An oldie but a goody. Our list of Pet Peeves

Pet Peeves-By Will Kahn and Bryan Lewis
****Disclaimer****If you belong to any of the groups or have any of the traits listed therein you should not be reading this anyways, because you probably suck. These are in no particular order. That being said, Enjoy!

1. People who drive slowly in the left lane of the thruway.
2. People who use umbrellas. Get a jacket and a hat you lazy FUCK!
3. Americans who can’t speak the English language properly
4. “Non-conformists”
5. 90% of people who belong to a Fraternity
6. People who always look to start a fight. Don’t be upset because you have tiny testicles…It’s a side effect of the all the ‘roids you’re goosed up on.
7. Liars (especially girls who lie) and people who are two-faced
8. People who do drugs because they think it makes them look “cool”
9. People who talk consistently through class and distract me.
10. People who don’t read books..EVER
11. People who refuse to expand their musical horizons
12. People who can’t or refuse to admit it when they’re wrong.
14. Anyone who blindly supports the Bush administration
15. People who take forever to order food while I’m in line
16. People who refer to professional athletes/celebrities by their first name, as though they are friends with him or her. E.G. “Pedro pitched awesome last night.” Or, “Did you see Denzel’s new movie”.
17. A good amount of jocks, especially baseball, football and wrestling people.
18. People who mispronounce words, e.g. “Punkin” or “Libary”.
19. People who charge inexpensive items to their credit card
20. Vegans
21. People whose first and last name don’t add up to at least 3 syllables, with the only exception being Brett Shacht.
22. People who wear real fur coats or animal skin boots.
23. Designer bags.
24. People who don’t care what’s going on in our country
25. Christian Conservatives
26. People who talk too loudly in a public setting. You know who you are!
27. Hands free cell phone kits and the douche bags that use them outside of their vehicle.
28. People who wear shorts outside during the winter…You’re so unique
29. People with poor umbrella etiquette, if you’re going to be an asshole and use one, please keep the pointy things away from my retinas
30. People who count the exact number of beers/drinks they had at a party; more so, anyone who must insist on telling you throughout the night how fucked up they are
31. People who smoke weed, listen to rap music and think they're Biggie Smalls
32. Racist people
33. Ignorant people
34. White/Chinese guys who dress like some homeboy from Brooklyn. Get your own style you impersonator. Also, anyone of any race who speaks in Ebonics.
35. Guys who intentionally wear clothes that are entirely too tight. You’re so EMO
36. People who are stingy with money when they clearly have a lot of it.
37. People who eavesdrop on conversations
38. Anyone who wears one of those stupid WWJD bracelets. Or, anyone who wears a Yellow Lance Armstrong bracelet for fashionable reasons or any one of the plethora of bullshit bracelets currently circulating.
39. Anyone with a thick Long Island accent
41. People who can’t seem to flush the toilet. Although maybe this was a rebellious act age 10, now it’s just unsanitary and gross.
42. Fat people who, although they know that they’re fat, refuse to exercise or eat properly and instead just lay around all day eating more and complaining.
43. Girls who say they’re fat when they’re clearly not.
44. Anyone on the fucking Atkins Diet
45. People who are so fat that, even though they are not disabled in any way must use a wheel chair to get around and/or have a handicap sticker.
46. 99% of reality TV
47. 75% of all TV
48. Fat girls who wear ass pants with hottie or princess written on them.
49. People who complain about contacts but refuse to wear glasses
50. People who spend too much time in front of the mirror
51. Girls who wear way too much make up.
52. People who have simple ass jobs but still can’t do them properly, and I have to pick up the slack.
53. Anyone who plays fantasy games, D and D, Magic Cards ETC.
54. Girls who don’t say thank you when I go out of my way to hold the door for them.
55. People who listen to bad rap music (almost any rap made in the last few years) and people who listen to the crap on MTV.
56. People who overuse quotes from movies or TV e.g. “I’m Rick James BITCH!”
57. People who get genuinely offended at stupid things e.g. swearing.
58. People who are pro-censorship
59. People who contradict themselves on a regular basis
60. When you are hanging out with someone (especially if it’s a girl) and they make plans to do something else right in front of you.
61. Girls who lead guys on.
62. Girls who talk, A LOT, about guys while in the company of guy(s).
63. People whom breath really loudly, specifically in a quiet setting e.g. movies and tests. (Oh Fatty McGee, the fire dept. thinks the fire alarm went off again)
64. Anything related to NASCAR. Argh! Driving a car around in a circle isn’t a sport, and most certainly doesn’t take any talent. If I wanted to watch cars driving around, I’d bring a chair to the Goddamn highway.
65. The abnormal amount of work due during the last 2 weeks of the semester.
66. Anyone who thinks they are all that and a bag of chips.
67. The influx of bad Latin music after (and including) Ricky Martin.
68. People who complain about the weather no matter what it’s like outside.
69. Jessica Simpson style boots….UGGS
70. Bad Drivers-or anyone entirely to old to be on the road. Public transportation is here for a reason, USE IT!
71. Females with Facial hair. YOWZA!
72. When you can’t tell if someone is male or female.
73. Girls with Guy haircuts
74. People who prolong class by asking the most inane questions
75. When the teacher asks a blatantly obvious question to the whole class but, no one answers and I feel obligated to (but don’t because I’m lazy).
76. People who wear professional sports shit and don’t know anything about the team except that the colors match their shoes and doo-rag.
77. The unnecessarily large (long) t-shirts that gangsta's wear.
78. Pre-Ripped Jeans
79. Anyone who thinks they know all there is to know about cars.
80. Guys who “trick out” slow cars.
81. How big of a deal it is to download music for free.
82. People who whistle along to a song, specifically if their whistling is slightly off key.
83. Guys who act like the biggest assholes and then some of the coolest, down-to-earth, girls I know (and often really like and care about) are in love with these douches.
84. When someone suggests something in conversation but then doesn’t say what it is; for example, -“You should have seen what Bob did last night, it was so crazy.” “What’d he do?” “Never mind…”
85. People who say, “That’s hot!” Just because Paris Hilton does.
86. People who think Paris Hilton has any other talents besides what she can do in the sack.
87. When shirts shrink in the dryer.
88. The fact that button technology hasn’t gone anywhere since it was invented-things really should be faster.
90. McDonalds-pretty much everything about it.
91. The fact that it’s “hip” to be into Kabbalah…because of Madonna…Who was once the nations biggest whore. Kind of makes you think.
92. People whom talk online on AIM or some sort of instant messaging service while I’m on the phone with them.
93. Most guys with the following names: Todd, Darryl, Stanley, Guy (not pronounced “Gee”, because that’s cool), ‘topher, when your real name is Christopher, and Ishmael. Ishmael mostly just for good measure.

A lil media critique...why not?

As some of you know I’m currently a senior Mass Communications major. With this in mind, I’ve decided to fore go several ideas for a new blog that I have floating around in my head and have opted to blog about the sorry state of media (specifically television and film) these days. It might not be my funniest blog, but it has to be said.

Television- The only way I can start a rant about the current state of television is with this one phrase: Reality television will be the downfall of society. Period. Ninety percent of television programming is horrendous anyway. What makes matters worse is the onslaught of reality programming in the post-Survivor era. Here are some of the worst reality television shows playing currently on our local stations

*Laguna Beach-Are you serious with this one? Can people actually watch this and believe it’s “reality. I can tell you right now that the show is staged. The camera angles are too precise, the dialogue, however idiotic and “straight iggnint dog” is clearly scripted. On top of the fact that the “reality” portion of this show is a farce, it is also a perfect example of all that is wrong in our American society. It’s highlighting what the swanky and the rich of Orange County, California can waste their money on. And the worst part about it is the youth of America see this constant consumer culture and swoon for their lives to be similar. They highlight the drama of every day upper-class life. And the youth of America strive to be like them in every way. It’s just pitiful.

*Big Brother- Here’s another great portrayal of current America society. It truly shows that the perception of the average American that either participates or watches this show is that money is the all mighty. Money, money, money. These “contestants” will stop at nothing in order to get their fare share of the prize. Not much to rant about here. If you like watching paint dry, or seeing your parents fight, then you might want to watch this show. Because it’s got it’s fair share of boredom and irrational fights. Just a thought.

*Fear Factor- This show shouldn’t even be considered television. The stunts, however cool, are clearly staged. And you see these people, time and time again, unable to perform well in them. Even if this does somewhat contradict a point I made ranting about Big Brother, if you’ve got a wad of cash on the line and you’re participating in a stunt to win said cash (with little to no chance of perishing while performing) just suck it up. Eating testicles and donkey brains and Snuffleufagus snout is just appalling and is degrading to human beings as a species. Unless you live in some tribe in Africa or something; but that’s beside the point.

*The Contender/Ultimate Fighting Championship- Okay, being a testosterone filled male, I’m obviously a big fan of boxing and fighting etc, however, ever since the Ultimate Fighting Championship matches have been broadcast on Pay-Per-View, the show has gone drastically downhill. No one wants to watch a bunch of meatheads living in a house together. And the fights on the show can, in no way, surpass the Pay-Per-View fights. The Contender is another show I don’t care for that much, despite my inherent love for televised violence and bloodshed. To steal a line from Greg Geraldo, “I’m pretty sure we used to have a similar show to find the best boxer in the world. Yeah, it was called BOXING. That was a good show.” I rest my case.

I could go on all day about the suckyness of Reality television but it’s time to move on to a different genre of television. The pop-culture gossip kind. What is the deal with the gossip shows? I don’t need to know Paris Hilton’s whereabouts at every waking moment. I loved the 80’s just as much as the next person but do we need 3 versions of “I love the 80’s” playing non-stop on VH1. Who are these comedians that lend their commentary to these shows anyways? Washed up/ never been comedians…kind of like me. What happened to original programming? Why is it necessary to re-cap the week’s events in a show called “Best Week Ever”? P.S. Your commentary isn’t witty, it’s just plain poop. What happened to creativity? That brings me to my next point.

Movies- What’s the deal with movies now days? Are we that strapped for creative ideas that we have to consistently rehash age-old television shows? And video game movies? We don’t need to see some sorry adaptation for a video game or age-old television show. I thought we lived in a world with creative people. Apparently that is not the case. The worst part about these “remake” feature films is they’re poorly made. Even if, by some magnificent stretch the television version of the remake film is quite entertaining, they always end up hiring the worst actors and directors to produce these films. Except for Starsky and Hutch, because I’m partial to a Ben Stiller/Vince Vaughn/Owen Wilson (with a Will Farrell cameo I might add) film. New comedies are non-existent, unless it’s featuring the cast above. Comedy in film has melded into the “teeny bopper” movie genre. Movies that fall into this ilk are “She’s All That”, “Bring it On” and many other sucky pictures.

If a new movie isn’t some rehashed television show, or some poor excuse for comedy, it’s usually a historical film. I enjoy war movies, when they are done right, but “Alexander”, “Troy”, what’s next? “The Bible-the untold tales”. If I wanted to watch a historical movie, I’d pretty much just hit up my trusty History Channel.

Well, that’s my rant for now about the current state of media. This might be a running theme in my blog, as I review new movies. I am pretty awesome though, so the movies I see are usually top of the line. Anyways, apologies to those who read this thinking it was going to be comedy gold. I promise I’ll be updating more frequently after this one.