Will's list of myspace grievances
I admit it. I’m a myspace whore. There are worse things one could be I believe. Despite this fact, myspace is still, at times, a vast wasteland for those who have an IQ lower than that of Jessica Simpson. It is these people who shouldn’t even be allowed to operate a computer let alone create a profile on myspace. Your foolish actions need to be remedied. So here I am for you, to point out your flaws. With that said, here is my list of myspace grievances.
P.S. Don't get pissed off at this quite yet. Read it through until the end. I make up for it if I make fun of one of you lovely readers. I love you all by the way. Maybe in an unhealthy way ;)
1.People with 10 million friends-Do I really care that you’re pretty awesome at adding random people? NO. Who are you trying to impress? If it’s me (which it should be because I’m pretty awesome) you have failed miserably. I see myspace as a place to network, investigate new music, keep in touch with old friends and if you’re lucky, make some new friends. It is not, however, a place to show off you’re prowess at clicking the add friends button and anxiously waiting to see who accepts. Are you that strapped for attention that you need constant acceptance from the people of cyberspace? If you are, I feel bad for you and your high school popularity contest set of beliefs. Which brings me to my next grievance…
2.People who post bulletins/chain letters about how myspace should not be used as a popularity contest-Bulletins are a thing that I believe are overused to begin with. I’ll get into that later though. I do understand your pain however, “anti-popularity contest bulletin posters” because, as I’ve clearly stated above I hate it as well. My problem with you is you’re almost as bad. There’s probably a chain letter that is anti-people who are anti-people who consider myspace to be a “popularity” contest. What is the point of an anti-bulletin? To sway people to you’re side of beliefs? You’re so cool you non-conformist! Dare to be different. “I have 3 friends, what you think about that?!?”
3.People who post so much crap in their profile that I have to scroll the bottom scroll bar to the right-This is just a personal preference I guess but, do I really need to see every picture that you’ve ever taken with your digital camera? Chances are if I’m a real friend of yours, I remember the experience. If you have that many pictures (like I do I might add) create a webshots or a photobucket account and link to an organized situation. Also, is it necessary to post pictures of every movie/band/book/guy/gal that you’re into? I don’t need the visual; I’m quite capable of reading thank you very much. All your pictures are doing, in all likelihood, is making your page excruciating to load and read so I’m probably not paying too much attention anyway. Don’t you want to get noticed? Oh wait, I forgot, you already have 13,456 friends. I’m sure they enjoy it though.
4.People who make their myspace backgrounds clash with the font-This is directly related to grievance 3. Are you trying to steer me away from your profile? If so you’re doing a pretty good job. If I can’t read your font it’s pretty simple, I can’t read your page so I’m not going to.
5.Eighty Percent of the bulletins people post on myspace-I’m not finding that lost kid. I don’t care what color your hair was when you were five and what it is now. I don’t care that you like a song and I don’t care that you shit your pants (unless you’re the midget from the “Trapped in the Closet” R. Kelly Video). Stop using bulletins as if your life and times are so spectacular that you can’t go a minute without letting people know. I’ll admit, I’m an occasional survey filler outer and I’m an occasional “Hey check out my new pictures/new blog” type of person as well. It’s different for me though. I have fans. That last comment is dripping with so much sarcasm that it looks like my dong dripping after I “occasionally” give your mom a roman helmet. (For those of you who don’t know what a roman helmet is it’s when you take your balls and put them in the girls eye sockets and then slap you’re cock on their nose), but now I’m rambling. The point to that ramble is occasionally things are okay; actually the thing with your mom is probably more beneficial if it’s a frequent occurrence but it’s not a perfect world. Moral of this grievance- Occasional is usually good, unless it involves me, your mom, and a certain “piece” or “headdress” from the “roman times”.
6.Anyone who says, “I listen to everything except country” under the music category-This is, by no means, an acceptable answer. The music one listens to can tell you a lot about said person. If I’m searching the information super highway in order to locate some hip new people, and this drivel is what you chose to put as an answer, I’m not going to message you or attempt to befriend you. And you should be upset about that because like I said before…. I’m pretty cool. Also, does this type of an answer indicate that you really do like everything else? My money’s on no, but call me crazy. Actually no, call me Stavros. It’s a cool name. Maybe the chicky mama’s will find that attractive. Oh jeez, I’m rambling again. Back on topic, there are many genres of music. Classical, Jazz, Hip Hop, Rock, Emo, Screamo, Hardcore (and all the other “cores”), Metal (and it’s respective “cores”), International, Reggae, Rap, Gregorian Chant, Christian rock jams (clearly my favorite by the way J) etc etc etc. You know it all? Doubtful. Be specific gosh darnit.
So there you have it, my list of myspace grievances. If you prescribe to any of the above attributes and are my friend on myspace, this is not a blatant jab at you or anything. I’m simply stating my opinion. 98% of the people on my friends list are either people I know or bands I like. Don’t take it personally, if we are “real” friends than I don’t think my opinion of you’re myspace page should matter. But, people overreact sometimes. If you are my friend on myspace and exhibit any of the above traits, I still love you for being my friend, myspace or otherwise, so you should feel good about that.
Oh shit, one more thing. Ahhh, fuck it! Maybe it will be my next post.
posted by Will at Tuesday, December 13, 2005
3 comments
