Wednesday, February 21, 2007


1. Is it just me or are the New York Knicks the most celebrated terrible team in the history of sports. As of today they have 24 wins for pete's sake. TWENTY FOUR.

2. I was thinking about the amount of advertisers and sponsors there are in Nascar and I think I figured out why other sports haven't sold their souls similarly and put company decals flagrantly on all that will be seen on TV and in the stadiums. Want to know what I think? I think that rednecks will probably just buy anything they see on TV.

3. Wearing a Scarface T-shirt does not in anyway make you gangsta.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Hey peeps

What's up peeps and hoes? I know it's been quite some time since my last post and I always write these stupid diatribes about "New post coming soon" and consistently fail to make good on even one of those promises. I don't care. With that being said, when I get the itch I'm just going to post some random thoughts of the day. So here it goes.

1. Someone please make it stop "Raining"
I have NO idea what this phrase "make it rain" means, nor do I care but how is this drivel being scooped up by the mass populace and turned into not one but something like SEVEN fuckin' rap songs. I want it to stop raining please, I don't even know what it means. On a similar topic has anyone heard the song "Chicken noodle soup"? If you're one of the lucky few who haven't you should keep it this way. The hook to the song is ACTUALLY "Chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side". !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Someone please tell me how, in any back-ass-wards country this could not only be created but POPULAR. Please....tell me this. I want New England Clam chowder with a Beer on the side...obviously. And don't even get me started on the simple and obvious fact that you don't NEED a soda on the side when you eat chicken noodle soup. You clearly just drink the broth at the end. Pish posh nuckka!

2. So I've been thinking...
Trampolines. Think about it. Everywhere. Connecting you from place to place. Everything literally become a hop skip and jump away. Also we could start playing what I believe was called "Jam-ball". You know, the short lived game televised on Spike TV(Even when the should have just been playing American 'fuckin' Gladiators) that was similar to basketball except the players had bungee chords attached to them and trampolines built into the court? We could play this game people. And we should. Oh how I jones for the spring time.

3. Sham holidays
Is it just me or is the marketplace during holidays becoming further and further infected with holiday propaganda? Obviously one of the biggest sham holidays ever is coming up and single fellas, you know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about Valentines day. In any case, I was in Redners the other day buying condoms(I won't use), tissues(to clean up the splooge and to cry) and choclates(obviously) I noticed that on the shelf(oddly right next to the condoms) was a set of festive "Valentines day lights". Are you serious? What has the world come to?

Also, for good measure...Fuck Valentines Day!

4. Just thinking...
Wouldn't the ultimate "jihad" or terrorist attack be training a kamikaze alien to crash a flying saucer into the moon. If I were involved in any of these crazy extremist groups that hate us I'd be investing in the space program, finding a fuckin' martian and getting that lil bastard to fly his ass right into the moon. We'd be fucked.

Just thinking.

Til next time sirs...ta ta!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

So sue me

It's been a damn long time since my last post. I always say that. You want to know why? Because it's always true. In any case, I've been pondering a lot of life decisions lately and you may see more from yours truly. You may see less. Anyfart. Just dropping by. Expect a post on the terrible state of pop music(namely rap and hip hop)in the very near future.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Enough Already Tom Delonge

So, I was in the mood for some reminiscing and I decided to whip out one of my old school Blink 182 albums. I chose “Take off your pants and Jacket” because I hadn’t heard it in a really long time. It’s obviously not one of my favorite albums by them but I found it first. What can I say? Anyfart, as I was listening to it, seeing as how I was in high school during its release, I realized the reason why I liked it then was that I was relating to the lyrics of Tom Delonge. Don’t get me wrong I like the lyrics of Mark Hoppus substantially better and, here’s the thing, his songs still ring true. Tom’s, despite being relatable tunes during my adolescence have no lasting power and have become stale as can be. This led me to think, “This is the guy who’s trying to start the next “U2?” And so, it led me to this quick little blog post.

Song #1
“I learned a lot today,
not sure if I'll get laid,
not sure if I'll fail or pass,
kissed every girl in class

Everybody would waste it all,
to have a summer that they could call,
memory that's full of fun,
fucked up, when it's all done”-Blink 182: Reckless Abandon from the album “Take off your pants and Jacket”

Song #2
“Now just hold on, hold on to me
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)”-Angels and Airwaves: Do it for me now from the album “We don’t need to Whisper”

Okay. Analysis of song 1: This man was in his late twenties when he wrote this song. What demographic do you think he’s aiming for here? To his credit, however, I loved this song when I was in high school and really have no qualms with these lyrics, they just don’t relate to me now. However, these lyrics were penned by the man who said this about his new band, Angels and Airwaves, in an interview with Rolling Stone, “With Blink, people would go, "What's your message?" and we'd go, ‘Fuck! We don't have a message!’ With Angels and Airwaves, it's absolute message; it's absolute . . . positivity.” Now, this quote is understandable and you can see why an actual artist would want to kick his act up a notch after 16 years of fart jokes and writing for a demographic substantially younger than he or any other member of Blink-182 fell into. But what did he do with his Angels in the Airwaves project…..

Analysis of song 2: He took his nasaly simple lyrics and made them even more repetitive. I’ve listened to the majority of the album “We Don’t Need to Whisper” and after about 3 songs into the album, I’m convinced that I’m listening to the same song over and over again. Not only that, EVERY SINGLE SONG has a ridiculously and unnecessarily long repetitive bridge, as depicted in the example from song 2. All of this is coming from the man who had this to say in the same Rolling Stone interview, “I want to come out with an album that people will refer to twenty years from now as the album of this decade. [There hasn't been] a record like that since Nirvana's [Nevermind] and I don't think there's ever been a band as good as U2. But I'm willing to take on that challenge.”

Simply put, ENOUGH ALREADY TOM DELONG! Blink-182 was fun while it lasted but what makes you think you can put on some goofy shades, ride Bono’s jock and all of a sudden create music that you’re not talented enough to create. All you can pull off is jack-off jokes, high school love lost songs and you can toss some more fart joke songs in there too. We loved you for it. I hate you for Angels and Airwaves.

P.S. I have a far more substantial post coming in the near future. It should be a doozy so keep checking back.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Just a random observation while killing time

So I'm killing some time on myspace right now and I stumble upon this riddle posted as a bulletin....

A man is walking on the beach, just after taking a long swim in his clothes. He sees a restaurant on the beach. He walks into the restaurant and gets seated. He looks at the menu and orders seagull soup. The waitress brings out the soup, he takes one bite, realizes something & runs out onto the road and gets killed.

The question is: why did he freak out?

The answer they give you is this....

The guy had been stranded on an island with 2 other people. He was rescued (or in this version swam back to civilization. While on the island the 3 men had to survive. The three would starve if they didn't find food soon. The second guy killed the third guy and with the guy in this riddle ate the 3rd guy calling the stew they made "seagull soup". The man liked it, assumed the second guy committed suicide or some other thing, then after he swam back to civilization, he went into the restaurant ordered his new favorite soup (from the island where he was stranded remember?), and upon tasting the difference, realized he had eaten his friend on the island.

I understand the answer but my question is how is it humanly possible to ascertain that conclusion with the knowledge given in the riddle. Just because he was clothed doesn't necassarily mean he was stranded on an island. And, if he ate his friend, why on earth would he want to consume the soup with the same moniker. One would assume, if you're thinking rationally, that he would want to do the exact opposite of eating "seagull soup" as it were.

I'm perplexed.

P.S. I'm back in Goshen. I'm seeking employment. I want to write more but I'm busy. Deal with it.

Peace and <3

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Wow, it's finally over

That's right people. You're reading the writings of a college graduate. Well, not technically yet but my classes and finals are over and done with. With that in mind I'm going to talk a little bit about my experience here at SUNY Oneonta. If you're reading this looking forward to the non-stop laughs that my blogs usually ellicit than you might want to stop reading here. And pick up after the next paragraph.

Okay, weeded those people out. For starters I'd just like to say that my two years spent here at Oneonta were 2 of the greatest of my life. I've made so many new and awesome friends and I've opened my eyes to so much more that life has to offer. Stuff that can't be found just sitting around Orange County and drinking. My time spent here and the friends I've made will live on in my heart and mind forever.Good luck to all of you, graduating or not, and I hope that we all stay in touch for the rest of our lives. Don't worry, I'll be up to visit and that's when the proverbial shit will hit the fan. Until then, stay klassy and krazy. But not too krazy without me.

Welcome back those of you who don't have a sappy side.
Now, don't get me wrong, my experience at Oneonta was predominantly good but, for the sake of entertainment (gasp, I forgot what that was. I haven't read anything entertaining in this blog in months), I'm going to tell a little tale about my experiences here. Things to note if you decide to pursue undergraduate studies here. So here it is, my list of grievances with SUNY Oneonta.

1. Frat guys-It's true that in other college towns frats are the thing to do so this probably only applies to Oneonta. 90% of the frat guys here are complete and utter douchebags. There's no avoiding their douchebaggery. Their popped collars can be seen all over campus and when you're downtown after a night of drinking, 9 times out of 10, they're the people who are brawling outside of Joey's or the Oak. Don't try to reason with them. Just grunt and get out of their way. You don't want any of their primordial ooze dripping onto your ever so sexy and drunk body. Woops, that last sentence refers mostly to me. Plus they're all a bunch of meat head, drug dealing coke heads.

2. Housing-This is specifically on-campus housing. Although I had a blast in my dorm rooms I have quite a lot of beef with these dormitories. First of all, if you are a new transfer, it is imperative that you get your down payment into the school not only on time, but I'd advise to get it in rather early. I, with my little sophmore college mind, was silly enough to think about attending other schools before making my final decision. Once I decided to come to Oneonta it was just before the deadline and I sent in my deposit. I got TRIPLED in a double. For those of you who aren't good with simple college dormitory terminology that means that there were three people living in a room designed to house comfortably(although this part is debatable)two almost fully grown males. It was absolutely atrocious and I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone. Furthermore, when trying to get "de-tripled" the people at the housing office were of little to no help and basically fought me the whole way.(Actually it's not "basically" I did actually get into several verbal fights with these morons. I like to say I won but, their bitchiness was something I couldn't compete with).

3. Bathrooms-This also refers to campus housing. WHAT THE FUCK! I have to admit, I used to be the guy at home that would pee on the seat or toss TP on the ground in a public restroom but, rest assured all of you who think that my actions were very non-conformist and rebellious, this behavior is just unsanitary and gross. There's pee on the ground and seat almost everyday. The shower curtains are never pulled within the bathtub walls which leads to uneccassary flooding and, on top of that, the custodial staff doesn't supply an adequate amount of toilet paper. Whew, that was a lot of shit. But seriously people, it's a human right (or it damn well should be) to be able to relieve yourself in some sort of sanitary conditions. So, keep the bathrooms clean please.
4. Last call-I'm from Orange County and the last call at bars there is 4a.m. In Oneonta, the last call is 1 O'clock on weekdays and 2 O'clock on Weekends. This is just blasphemy. You can't drink in the dorms so, unless you start your night out at 6 or 7 O'clock(I'm doing that right now actually, it's awesome), it's hard to get to your desired drunk. And staying up all night is out of the question unless you know people who live off campus...or do a lot of coke which seems to be prevalent here but fuck that bullshit drug.

And, to be honest, that's really all I can muster up. Campus food sucks but it's almost a guarantee (read: I'm guessing) that it does on every other college campus.

So there you have it. If you plan on attending this school you should take strong notice of my advice. If you already go here you know exactly what I'm talking about and if you're living on campus, you can help remedy the bathroom problem by PICKING UP AFTER YOUR DAMN SELF!

Other than that Oneonta has many, many pro's. Cold cheese pizza, a plethora of babes, a plethora of bars (namely The Silver Bullet with it's 5 dollar entry fee and 25 cent drinks), and, for the most part, the people up here rock.

It's about to get sappy again.

Once again good luck to all of the friends I've made and to all the people I've met. I hope your life is one filled with peace, love and creativity. Keep me posted on what you're up to if we're not close. We'll get not like that you fuckers with your sick minds. Crazy Oneontans!
To all of my close friends, ROCK THE FUCK ON! Keep it krazy and good luck once again in all that life tosses your way guys: Bryan, Ryan, Boot, Justin, Billy, Be the E, Matt, Michelle, Frank with a gambling problem, The Forman gang, Kyle, Jake, Shaun, Tim,Knap, Briscoe, The gang at 59 East Street, Mary, Connolly, and many more who I'm sure I've missed. Don't be sad, just drop me a line, I'll add you to the list. Much Love and good luck to all ya'llz. I'll be back to visit, you can bet your momma's panties...and that's the troof!

So that's it Oneonta, Peace!

And someone find me a job!

P.S. If you actually read this blog I think it would be funny if you wrote a memory or something that you and I have shared in Oneonta in comment form. Do it!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

It's been a while

Hasn't it?

I apologize to those who look to my blog for weekly or even monthly humorous updates. I don't want to bore you with the details but the life of Will Kahn has been quite hectic lately. I'm graduating in appoximately two weeks (read: I've been drinking a lot), I've been writing reviews for our website the knife fits, and I've been slothing to my maximum potential. I know this isn't the greatest excuse for lack of posts but it's the only hackneyed reason I can give you people of cyber-space.

Well, with that in mind, here's some things I've come across in blurry eyed wandering of the information super highway that you should check out. Oh yeah, you should check out the knife fits website also, and buy some t-shirts...seriously, do it.

-A college humor website Bryan, Chris and I have been working on.

-This guy's artwork is pretty nutty.

-Crazy hat tricks. God I need a bowler derby cap!

-And these retards.

Friday, April 07, 2006

So I've been thinking...

About super powers again. I don't know why, probably as a mechanism to put off the staunch reality that I'm graduating college in less than a month. Anyfart, I had a dream yesterday that I was Super-Man. If you know me you know that Spider-Man is my hero of choice (wow I'm such a dork) but having Superman's powers in my dream was very sweet. And it made me think, if I was blessed with super powers how could I use them in everyday life?

With no super-villains and minimal bank robberies, what would my job as a super-hero entail? I'm not quite sure to be honest. I guess rescue cats from tree's, help people who've been in car accidents and hunt down Osama. What else would I do to help the general public? The answer is probably nothing. I'd do my best but how do I know what's going to happen at a given time. The answer is I don't. So I guess I'd have to use my powers (assuming I'm Superman) for my own personal benefit. I could peek through clothing on unsuspecting hot babes using my X-Ray vision. I could take my romantic interests on lovely trips through the sky, I could always have a cold beer using my cold breath and I could heat up anything using my laser beam eyes. I guess I'd rock at basketball too. And in the sack (obviously).

So that's that, Just thinking. What would you do with your super powers? Leave ideas as comments. And, oh yeah, here's the Superman costume I envisioned myself wearing in the dream I had. It's Microsoft Paint genius.(Notice the beard)

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Happy Belated St. Patricks day

Cheers all my fellow drinkers.
Will here. It's been a long while since a substantial post. One is coming soon, don't worry.
Well anyway, I hope everyone had an A-fuckin'-mazing St. Patricks day. Mine was absolutely off the chain(P.S. Don't hate me for saying "off the chain" it just came to me). I have realized however, as Bill I believe has, that documenting my nights of drunken debauchery just aren't that interesting to those who weren't there. What may be funny is doing a photo-blog thing to highlight some of the greatest moments (that I remember) from a crazy day. I started at Noon so, be forewarned, this may be long. Hopefully enjoyable. Well, without further "adieu"(I finally found out how to spell it properly) here it is. As they say in the old country, "SLAINTE" everyone.

12 noon. I've skipped my first class in order to take a shower. Our original goal was to go to The Silver Bullet to obtain some free t-shirts and have a few drinks before class at 1. That's right. Drinking at the bars and then attending class. You know how I do. The glitch in our plan was The Bullet didn't open until 1. We went to the Pub.

I had a conversation with a toothless towny that went something like this:
Toothless lady (As I inspect her party favor st. patricks day hats): "Hey there sonny boy, those be mines hats."
Me: Oh, I'm quite sorry miss. That's a lovely tooth you have there.
Toothless lady: Really, I only got one
Me: That's right. And it's breathtaking. It's quality over quantity for me baby.


After my class and getting a much needed bite to eat Bryan, Justin and I headed out to the bullet to actually obtain our shirts. We obtained our shirts and had several drinks at our home away from home, The Bullet.

Once we got our shirts, being the cheap pieces of shit that we may or may not be, we went in search of deal. We figured Leo from The Rail would be wasted enough to hook us up. He wasn't. We drank warm, green, "bud light" and obtained some "Guiness" from a rather hefty towny. He was immediately suspect because he was staying at the Rock Inn. The Oneonta famous HOURLY MOTEL! Anyone who chose to stay there must be looking to roofie someone. He gave us Guiness for free. We immediately thought it was us. We stopped drinking our Guiness.

It's now apporximately 5:30 and, in order to not gag down any more warm, green, beer, we decided to head to some other bars. This was uneventful because the bar we went to "The Old Spanish Tavern" better known as the "OST" was outrageously crowded and drinks were just not feasible to obtain. We moved on, slightly drunk, to our boy Matt's party.

We arrive at around 6 O'clock and begin the festivities with a few car bombs and the "house shot". The house shot was rather delicious actually.

At this point we're the only people at the party. I'm VIP everywhere I go people. We win about 5 games of beer-pong in a row before losing and, being quite wasted, played our last game of pong for the night.

7pm. More of the usuals show up. Madness Ensues.

And more madness.

You get the picture.

Wasn't that last comment ironic..."don't ya think".

So at around 11pm we get the lovely job of kicking everyone out because Matt is too innebriated to even socialize, or roll on his side for that matter. Not a fun task.

Forman is playing at the pub.

We've lost all ability to work simple technology.

Forman was also quite wasted. Awesome show. Sooooo drunk.

And now the last picture of the night. I'm forcing my eyes open. Bryan's clearly thinking "picture, what, picture". We couldn't have gotten more drunk. It was an amazing St. patty's day. Hope you're was as good as mine.


Stay nuts.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Hello again everybody

Hey people of "shyber shpace".
It's me, Will.

I know it's been a while but I was home on a quasi-spring break with a shitty computer/shitty internet access. That has all been remedied however because I'm back up at school. I'll fill you in a little.

My break was awesome. If I can find a good angle, I'll let you know about the highlight of my vacation (aside from the Say Anything show. That will be written about in detail on review section) which was Bill and Emily's Birthday extravaganza in New York City. Needless to say it was a great time. In lieu of an official post about it I'll post the link to my pictures from that trip....

Bill and Emily's Birthday extravaganza

So there's that. Anyways, I have a lot of shit on my mind including, but not limited to binge drinking and applying for post-college jobs so my posts may be even less frequent than they already are. Sorry. Give me some ideas if you want and maybe I could drunkedly rant about it.

That's it for now.

Happy Birthday Bill!

Happy belated (although I did officially wish you a happy birthday, heres the cyberspace shout out) Birthday Emily!

Til next time lovely's
-Peace and <3
The Will-miester