R. Kelly = A comedic genius

Not that creative, if you're trying to be a musician, but as a comedian--It's just gold, pure comedic gold. If you haven't been keeping track of R. Kelly's Urban R and B opera then, your missing out. And I'll fill you in and try to leave some to the imagination because, despite it's ridiculousness, it's still worth a viewing or two. There are 22 chapters in this saga, and I'm admittedly riveted and on the edge of my seat for the rest. I've seen up to Chapter 8 and some of 9. Here's a quick synopsis.

R. Kelly plays a character whose name is Sylvester. Sylvester was cheating on his wife the night prior and has just awoken in her bed. Basically the woman informs Sylvester that he has to leave quickly but there's no time. So he jumps in the closet. Then the woman's husband makes his appearance and, ironically enough, Sylvester's phone rings. Sylvester is caught by the husband and tries to leave because he's "not a part of this". The husband tells Sylvester and the wife to both stay put, and tells them that there is something he needs to show them both first. He makes a phone call and tells the person on the other end to come to his house. Meanwhile, Sylvester threatens to shoot the husband and wife if they do not let him leave. Sylvester tells the couple that they have to the count of four before he starts shooting. When he gets to the number four, the husband’s lover is revealed to be a man. Sylvester is baffled at this, as is everyone else in the room so, being so distraught in such a "sticky" situation he decides that his best plan of action is to call up his wife at home. Which, personally, is quite baffling. When he calls his wife a man answers the phone. So, he speeds home only to get pulled over by a chain-smoking police officer and get a ticket. He bursts in the door and sees that his wife is in the shower. He pulls out his gun and pulls the curtain back. Alarmed, his wife steps out of the shower and tells Sylvester that her brother Tron is home from jail today. He breathes a sigh of relief and they begin having ferocious sex on the bed. And then Sylvester spots a used condom on their bed. Somehow his wife and the woman who he was cheating with, or the gay guy the husband was cheating with are connected but that connection is loose at best. It turns out the Sylvester's wife's lover is the policeman who pulled him over earlier. They, for whatever reason, begin to laugh about this and then the policeman reenters the plot. He thinks that the laughing is crying and bursts in. Sylvester and him get into a bit of a spat and someone is shot. In the next chapter it is revealed that it's Tron, Sylvester's wife's brother who was shot. They think he's dead but it's just a flesh wound. Good thing. After he gets cleaned up there's a knock at the door. Sylvester, once again foolishly, pulls out his gun and opens the door. Behind the door is my personal favorite character, Rosie the nosey neighbor. She comes, equipped with a FLY SWATTER I might add, to see what the ruckus is all about. This issue goes unresolved; maybe they murdered her, who knows? The officer leaves and calls his wife Bridget. Bridget is a middle aged, ugly and gross white woman. Just so you have a visual, all of the other characters in this tale of love, mishaps, and trials and tribulations, the rest of the slew of characters is of African American descent. When the officer arrives home his portly (and that's a nice way to describe her) greets him and gives him a kiss, then insists that he go upstairs. Her urgency makes the officer spectacle of what is going on and his portly wife insists it's nothing. The last scene of this chapter shows R. Kelly, as a new character, the narrator, in this woman’s closet. He's also smoking a cigar. And I'm obviously quite baffled at how the "chain smoking policeman" didn't notice the horrendous odor coming from his pantry closet. This is the end of chapter 8 and what I've seen up to.
In the bits and pieces of chapter nine, what prompted me to write this blog in the first place, is this. The officer is still skeptical with his wife and notices a cherry pie on the kitchen table, after moving the fridge, which I don't quite understand. Anyways, he sees the pie and realizes that his wife is allergic to cherries. Clearly rock solid evidence that she's cheating and something I found to be quite hilarious. He becomes enraged. Bridget stands in front of the cabinet door and he pushes her aside. He opens the door and R. Kelly's new character...get this...isn't the suspense killing you?.........see what I mean...on the edge of your seat right...R. Kelly's new character is a midget. Let me say it again. A MIDGET!!!!!!!!

How ridiculous is this tale. Not only is it ridiculous now, its not even finished. It's 22 chapters long. I can’t wait to see what's in store. Like I said at the beginning this shit is comedic gold. You can't make this shit up for a stand-up routine. You actually have to be a sick and twisted R and B recording artist to come up with this shit. He should have just pawned it off to the general public as comedy. It'd be great. Release it in the movies; put it on Broadway, it would be a monstrous hit. As a song, it’s quite lacking. It’s the same melody repeated over and over again. As comedy, it's great. Who comes up with characters like Rosy the Nosy neihbor, clad with only a robe and a fly swatter? why would there be a midget?

It might not make sense, but I like it and I laugh at it. Thank you R. Kelly. You just made my night!