Prose and Kahns-By William Kahn

Reflections

2007-02-21T13:48:00.000-05:00

1. Is it just me or are the New York Knicks the most celebrated terrible team in the history of sports. As of today they have 24 wins for pete's sake. TWENTY FOUR.

2. I was thinking about the amount of advertisers and sponsors there are in Nascar and I think I figured out why other sports haven't sold their souls similarly and put company decals flagrantly on all that will be seen on TV and in the stadiums. Want to know what I think? I think that rednecks will probably just buy anything they see on TV.

3. Wearing a Scarface T-shirt does not in anyway make you gangsta.

Hey peeps

2007-02-06T21:10:00.000-05:00

What's up peeps and hoes? I know it's been quite some time since my last post and I always write these stupid diatribes about "New post coming soon" and consistently fail to make good on even one of those promises. I don't care. With that being said, when I get the itch I'm just going to post some random thoughts of the day. So here it goes.

1. Someone please make it stop "Raining"
I have NO idea what this phrase "make it rain" means, nor do I care but how is this drivel being scooped up by the mass populace and turned into not one but something like SEVEN fuckin' rap songs. I want it to stop raining please, I don't even know what it means. On a similar topic has anyone heard the song "Chicken noodle soup"? If you're one of the lucky few who haven't you should keep it this way. The hook to the song is ACTUALLY "Chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side". !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Someone please tell me how, in any back-ass-wards country this could not only be created but POPULAR. Please....tell me this. I want New England Clam chowder with a Beer on the side...obviously. And don't even get me started on the simple and obvious fact that you don't NEED a soda on the side when you eat chicken noodle soup. You clearly just drink the broth at the end. Pish posh nuckka!

2. So I've been thinking...
Trampolines. Think about it. Everywhere. Connecting you from place to place. Everything literally become a hop skip and jump away. Also we could start playing what I believe was called "Jam-ball". You know, the short lived game televised on Spike TV(Even when the should have just been playing American 'fuckin' Gladiators) that was similar to basketball except the players had bungee chords attached to them and trampolines built into the court? We could play this game people. And we should. Oh how I jones for the spring time.

3. Sham holidays
Is it just me or is the marketplace during holidays becoming further and further infected with holiday propaganda? Obviously one of the biggest sham holidays ever is coming up and single fellas, you know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about Valentines day. In any case, I was in Redners the other day buying condoms(I won't use), tissues(to clean up the splooge and to cry) and choclates(obviously) I noticed that on the shelf(oddly right next to the condoms) was a set of festive "Valentines day lights". Are you serious? What has the world come to?

Also, for good measure...Fuck Valentines Day!

4. Just thinking...
Wouldn't the ultimate "jihad" or terrorist attack be training a kamikaze alien to crash a flying saucer into the moon. If I were involved in any of these crazy extremist groups that hate us I'd be investing in the space program, finding a fuckin' martian and getting that lil bastard to fly his ass right into the moon. We'd be fucked.

Just thinking.

Til next time sirs...ta ta!

So sue me

2006-11-12T19:14:00.000-05:00

It's been a damn long time since my last post. I always say that. You want to know why? Because it's always true. In any case, I've been pondering a lot of life decisions lately and you may see more from yours truly. You may see less. Anyfart. Just dropping by. Expect a post on the terrible state of pop music(namely rap and hip hop)in the very near future.

Enough Already Tom Delonge

2006-08-01T22:41:00.000-04:00

So, I was in the mood for some reminiscing and I decided to whip out one of my old school Blink 182 albums. I chose “Take off your pants and Jacket” because I hadn’t heard it in a really long time. It’s obviously not one of my favorite albums by them but I found it first. What can I say? Anyfart, as I was listening to it, seeing as how I was in high school during its release, I realized the reason why I liked it then was that I was relating to the lyrics of Tom Delonge. Don’t get me wrong I like the lyrics of Mark Hoppus substantially better and, here’s the thing, his songs still ring true. Tom’s, despite being relatable tunes during my adolescence have no lasting power and have become stale as can be. This led me to think, “This is the guy who’s trying to start the next “U2?” And so, it led me to this quick little blog post.

Song #1
“I learned a lot today,
not sure if I'll get laid,
not sure if I'll fail or pass,
kissed every girl in class

Everybody would waste it all,
to have a summer that they could call,
memory that's full of fun,
fucked up, when it's all done”-Blink 182: Reckless Abandon from the album “Take off your pants and Jacket”

Song #2
“Now just hold on, hold on to me
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)”-Angels and Airwaves: Do it for me now from the album “We don’t need to Whisper”

Okay. Analysis of song 1: This man was in his late twenties when he wrote this song. What demographic do you think he’s aiming for here? To his credit, however, I loved this song when I was in high school and really have no qualms with these lyrics, they just don’t relate to me now. However, these lyrics were penned by the man who said this about his new band, Angels and Airwaves, in an interview with Rolling Stone, “With Blink, people would go, "What's your message?" and we'd go, ‘Fuck! We don't have a message!’ With Angels and Airwaves, it's absolute message; it's absolute . . . positivity.” Now, this quote is understandable and you can see why an actual artist would want to kick his act up a notch after 16 years of fart jokes and writing for a demographic substantially younger than he or any other member of Blink-182 fell into. But what did he do with his Angels in the Airwaves project…..

Analysis of song 2: He took his nasaly simple lyrics and made them even more repetitive. I’ve listened to the majority of the album “We Don’t Need to Whisper” and after about 3 songs into the album, I’m convinced that I’m listening to the same song over and over again. Not only that, EVERY SINGLE SONG has a ridiculously and unnecessarily long repetitive bridge, as depicted in the example from song 2. All of this is coming from the man who had this to say in the same Rolling Stone interview, “I want to come out with an album that people will refer to twenty years from now as the album of this decade. [There hasn't been] a record like that since Nirvana's [Nevermind] and I don't think there's ever been a band as good as U2. But I'm willing to take on that challenge.”

Simply put, ENOUGH ALREADY TOM DELONG! Blink-182 was fun while it lasted but what makes you think you can put on some goofy shades, ride Bono’s jock and all of a sudden create music that you’re not talented enough to create. All you can pull off is jack-off jokes, high school love lost songs and you can toss some more fart joke songs in there too. We loved you for it. I hate you for Angels and Airwaves.

P.S. I have a far more substantial post coming in the near future. It should be a doozy so keep checking back.

Just a random observation while killing time

2006-06-05T22:50:00.000-04:00

So I'm killing some time on myspace right now and I stumble upon this riddle posted as a bulletin....

A man is walking on the beach, just after taking a long swim in his clothes. He sees a restaurant on the beach. He walks into the restaurant and gets seated. He looks at the menu and orders seagull soup. The waitress brings out the soup, he takes one bite, realizes something & runs out onto the road and gets killed.

The question is: why did he freak out?

The answer they give you is this....

The guy had been stranded on an island with 2 other people. He was rescued (or in this version swam back to civilization. While on the island the 3 men had to survive. The three would starve if they didn't find food soon. The second guy killed the third guy and with the guy in this riddle ate the 3rd guy calling the stew they made "seagull soup". The man liked it, assumed the second guy committed suicide or some other thing, then after he swam back to civilization, he went into the restaurant ordered his new favorite soup (from the island where he was stranded remember?), and upon tasting the difference, realized he had eaten his friend on the island.

I understand the answer but my question is how is it humanly possible to ascertain that conclusion with the knowledge given in the riddle. Just because he was clothed doesn't necassarily mean he was stranded on an island. And, if he ate his friend, why on earth would he want to consume the soup with the same moniker. One would assume, if you're thinking rationally, that he would want to do the exact opposite of eating "seagull soup" as it were.

I'm perplexed.

P.S. I'm back in Goshen. I'm seeking employment. I want to write more but I'm busy. Deal with it.

Peace and <3

Wow, it's finally over

2006-05-16T19:04:00.000-04:00

That's right people. You're reading the writings of a college graduate. Well, not technically yet but my classes and finals are over and done with. With that in mind I'm going to talk a little bit about my experience here at SUNY Oneonta. If you're reading this looking forward to the non-stop laughs that my blogs usually ellicit than you might want to stop reading here. And pick up after the next paragraph.

Okay, weeded those people out. For starters I'd just like to say that my two years spent here at Oneonta were 2 of the greatest of my life. I've made so many new and awesome friends and I've opened my eyes to so much more that life has to offer. Stuff that can't be found just sitting around Orange County and drinking. My time spent here and the friends I've made will live on in my heart and mind forever.Good luck to all of you, graduating or not, and I hope that we all stay in touch for the rest of our lives. Don't worry, I'll be up to visit and that's when the proverbial shit will hit the fan. Until then, stay klassy and krazy. But not too krazy without me.

Welcome back those of you who don't have a sappy side.
Now, don't get me wrong, my experience at Oneonta was predominantly good but, for the sake of entertainment (gasp, I forgot what that was. I haven't read anything entertaining in this blog in months), I'm going to tell a little tale about my experiences here. Things to note if you decide to pursue undergraduate studies here. So here it is, my list of grievances with SUNY Oneonta.

1. Frat guys-It's true that in other college towns frats are the thing to do so this probably only applies to Oneonta. 90% of the frat guys here are complete and utter douchebags. There's no avoiding their douchebaggery. Their popped collars can be seen all over campus and when you're downtown after a night of drinking, 9 times out of 10, they're the people who are brawling outside of Joey's or the Oak. Don't try to reason with them. Just grunt and get out of their way. You don't want any of their primordial ooze dripping onto your ever so sexy and drunk body. Woops, that last sentence refers mostly to me. Plus they're all a bunch of meat head, drug dealing coke heads.

2. Housing-This is specifically on-campus housing. Although I had a blast in my dorm rooms I have quite a lot of beef with these dormitories. First of all, if you are a new transfer, it is imperative that you get your down payment into the school not only on time, but I'd advise to get it in rather early. I, with my little sophmore college mind, was silly enough to think about attending other schools before making my final decision. Once I decided to come to Oneonta it was just before the deadline and I sent in my deposit. I got TRIPLED in a double. For those of you who aren't good with simple college dormitory terminology that means that there were three people living in a room designed to house comfortably(although this part is debatable)two almost fully grown males. It was absolutely atrocious and I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone. Furthermore, when trying to get "de-tripled" the people at the housing office were of little to no help and basically fought me the whole way.(Actually it's not "basically" I did actually get into several verbal fights with these morons. I like to say I won but, their bitchiness was something I couldn't compete with).

3. Bathrooms-This also refers to campus housing. WHAT THE FUCK! I have to admit, I used to be the guy at home that would pee on the seat or toss TP on the ground in a public restroom but, rest assured all of you who think that my actions were very non-conformist and rebellious, this behavior is just unsanitary and gross. There's pee on the ground and seat almost everyday. The shower curtains are never pulled within the bathtub walls which leads to uneccassary flooding and, on top of that, the custodial staff doesn't supply an adequate amount of toilet paper. Whew, that was a lot of shit. But seriously people, it's a human right (or it damn well should be) to be able to relieve yourself in some sort of sanitary conditions. So, keep the bathrooms clean please.
4. Last call-I'm from Orange County and the last call at bars there is 4a.m. In Oneonta, the last call is 1 O'clock on weekdays and 2 O'clock on Weekends. This is just blasphemy. You can't drink in the dorms so, unless you start your night out at 6 or 7 O'clock(I'm doing that right now actually, it's awesome), it's hard to get to your desired drunk. And staying up all night is out of the question unless you know people who live off campus...or do a lot of coke which seems to be prevalent here but fuck that bullshit drug.

And, to be honest, that's really all I can muster up. Campus food sucks but it's almost a guarantee (read: I'm guessing) that it does on every other college campus.

So there you have it. If you plan on attending this school you should take strong notice of my advice. If you already go here you know exactly what I'm talking about and if you're living on campus, you can help remedy the bathroom problem by PICKING UP AFTER YOUR DAMN SELF!

Other than that Oneonta has many, many pro's. Cold cheese pizza, a plethora of babes, a plethora of bars (namely The Silver Bullet with it's 5 dollar entry fee and 25 cent drinks), and, for the most part, the people up here rock.

It's about to get sappy again.

Once again good luck to all of the friends I've made and to all the people I've met. I hope your life is one filled with peace, love and creativity. Keep me posted on what you're up to if we're not close. We'll get close....no not like that you fuckers with your sick minds. Crazy Oneontans!
To all of my close friends, ROCK THE FUCK ON! Keep it krazy and good luck once again in all that life tosses your way guys: Bryan, Ryan, Boot, Justin, Billy, Be the E, Matt, Michelle, Frank with a gambling problem, The Forman gang, Kyle, Jake, Shaun, Tim,Knap, Briscoe, The gang at 59 East Street, Mary, Connolly, and many more who I'm sure I've missed. Don't be sad, just drop me a line, I'll add you to the list. Much Love and good luck to all ya'llz. I'll be back to visit, you can bet your momma's panties...and that's the troof!

So that's it Oneonta, Peace!

And someone find me a job!

P.S. If you actually read this blog I think it would be funny if you wrote a memory or something that you and I have shared in Oneonta in comment form. Do it!

It's been a while

2006-04-25T20:07:00.000-04:00

Hasn't it?

I apologize to those who look to my blog for weekly or even monthly humorous updates. I don't want to bore you with the details but the life of Will Kahn has been quite hectic lately. I'm graduating in appoximately two weeks (read: I've been drinking a lot), I've been writing reviews for our website the knife fits, and I've been slothing to my maximum potential. I know this isn't the greatest excuse for lack of posts but it's the only hackneyed reason I can give you people of cyber-space.

Well, with that in mind, here's some things I've come across in blurry eyed wandering of the information super highway that you should check out. Oh yeah, you should check out the knife fits website also, and buy some t-shirts...seriously, do it.

-A college humor website Bryan, Chris and I have been working on.

-This guy's artwork is pretty nutty.

-Crazy hat tricks. God I need a bowler derby cap!

-And these retards.

So I've been thinking...

2006-04-07T15:58:00.000-04:00

About super powers again. I don't know why, probably as a mechanism to put off the staunch reality that I'm graduating college in less than a month. Anyfart, I had a dream yesterday that I was Super-Man. If you know me you know that Spider-Man is my hero of choice (wow I'm such a dork) but having Superman's powers in my dream was very sweet. And it made me think, if I was blessed with super powers how could I use them in everyday life?

With no super-villains and minimal bank robberies, what would my job as a super-hero entail? I'm not quite sure to be honest. I guess rescue cats from tree's, help people who've been in car accidents and hunt down Osama. What else would I do to help the general public? The answer is probably nothing. I'd do my best but how do I know what's going to happen at a given time. The answer is I don't. So I guess I'd have to use my powers (assuming I'm Superman) for my own personal benefit. I could peek through clothing on unsuspecting hot babes using my X-Ray vision. I could take my romantic interests on lovely trips through the sky, I could always have a cold beer using my cold breath and I could heat up anything using my laser beam eyes. I guess I'd rock at basketball too. And in the sack (obviously).

So that's that, Just thinking. What would you do with your super powers? Leave ideas as comments. And, oh yeah, here's the Superman costume I envisioned myself wearing in the dream I had. It's Microsoft Paint genius.(Notice the beard)

Happy Belated St. Patricks day

2006-03-19T23:51:00.000-05:00

Cheers all my fellow drinkers.
Will here. It's been a long while since a substantial post. One is coming soon, don't worry.
Well anyway, I hope everyone had an A-fuckin'-mazing St. Patricks day. Mine was absolutely off the chain(P.S. Don't hate me for saying "off the chain" it just came to me). I have realized however, as Bill I believe has, that documenting my nights of drunken debauchery just aren't that interesting to those who weren't there. What may be funny is doing a photo-blog thing to highlight some of the greatest moments (that I remember) from a crazy day. I started at Noon so, be forewarned, this may be long. Hopefully enjoyable. Well, without further "adieu"(I finally found out how to spell it properly) here it is. As they say in the old country, "SLAINTE" everyone.

12 noon. I've skipped my first class in order to take a shower. Our original goal was to go to The Silver Bullet to obtain some free t-shirts and have a few drinks before class at 1. That's right. Drinking at the bars and then attending class. You know how I do. The glitch in our plan was The Bullet didn't open until 1. We went to the Pub.

I had a conversation with a toothless towny that went something like this:
Toothless lady (As I inspect her party favor st. patricks day hats): "Hey there sonny boy, those be mines hats."
Me: Oh, I'm quite sorry miss. That's a lovely tooth you have there.
Toothless lady: Really, I only got one
Me: That's right. And it's breathtaking. It's quality over quantity for me baby.

Haha.

After my class and getting a much needed bite to eat Bryan, Justin and I headed out to the bullet to actually obtain our shirts. We obtained our shirts and had several drinks at our home away from home, The Bullet.

Once we got our shirts, being the cheap pieces of shit that we may or may not be, we went in search of deal. We figured Leo from The Rail would be wasted enough to hook us up. He wasn't. We drank warm, green, "bud light" and obtained some "Guiness" from a rather hefty towny. He was immediately suspect because he was staying at the Rock Inn. The Oneonta famous HOURLY MOTEL! Anyone who chose to stay there must be looking to roofie someone. He gave us Guiness for free. We immediately thought it was us. We stopped drinking our Guiness.

It's now apporximately 5:30 and, in order to not gag down any more warm, green, beer, we decided to head to some other bars. This was uneventful because the bar we went to "The Old Spanish Tavern" better known as the "OST" was outrageously crowded and drinks were just not feasible to obtain. We moved on, slightly drunk, to our boy Matt's party.

We arrive at around 6 O'clock and begin the festivities with a few car bombs and the "house shot". The house shot was rather delicious actually.

At this point we're the only people at the party. I'm VIP everywhere I go people. We win about 5 games of beer-pong in a row before losing and, being quite wasted, played our last game of pong for the night.

7pm. More of the usuals show up. Madness Ensues.

And more madness.

You get the picture.

Wasn't that last comment ironic..."don't ya think".

So at around 11pm we get the lovely job of kicking everyone out because Matt is too innebriated to even socialize, or roll on his side for that matter. Not a fun task.

Forman is playing at the pub.

We've lost all ability to work simple technology.

Forman was also quite wasted. Awesome show. Sooooo drunk.

And now the last picture of the night. I'm forcing my eyes open. Bryan's clearly thinking "picture, what, picture". We couldn't have gotten more drunk. It was an amazing St. patty's day. Hope you're was as good as mine.

HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY ALL YOU CRAZY FUCKS!

Stay nuts.

Hello again everybody

2006-03-07T19:26:00.000-05:00

Hey people of "shyber shpace".
It's me, Will.

I know it's been a while but I was home on a quasi-spring break with a shitty computer/shitty internet access. That has all been remedied however because I'm back up at school. I'll fill you in a little.

My break was awesome. If I can find a good angle, I'll let you know about the highlight of my vacation (aside from the Say Anything show. That will be written about in detail on theknifefits.com review section) which was Bill and Emily's Birthday extravaganza in New York City. Needless to say it was a great time. In lieu of an official post about it I'll post the link to my pictures from that trip....

Bill and Emily's Birthday extravaganza

So there's that. Anyways, I have a lot of shit on my mind including, but not limited to binge drinking and applying for post-college jobs so my posts may be even less frequent than they already are. Sorry. Give me some ideas if you want and maybe I could drunkedly rant about it.

That's it for now.

Happy Birthday Bill!

Happy belated (although I did officially wish you a happy birthday, heres the cyberspace shout out) Birthday Emily!

Til next time lovely's
-Peace and <3
The Will-miester

Wow

2006-02-19T17:20:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone enjoys my wasted rant from last night. I was quite intoxicated and the fact that I could even make cognizable sentences is something of a mystery to me.

In any case, posting last night made me want to post more often again because it's been a while since I've posted anything substantial.

Welp, just shootin' that out there.

Unnssssss

You know what pisses me off!

2006-02-19T05:10:00.000-05:00

***Disclaimer***This is no offense to the particular style of music or to the people who listen to said music. I happen to love some of the music that the people that will be aformentioned listen to but shit, I'm drunk and I'm making an observation.

What is the deal with everyone being pretentious ass-holes and thinking that oldies/classic rock/jam band music is the ONLY good music in college. I understand that people who listen to the music that I predominantly listen to are sometimes pretentious bastards about their tunes to. That is not the point of this wasted post. Wasted meaning I'm drunk while I'm writing this. Isn't my grammar awesome :). Anywho, the thing that really pisses me off is the people that think it's cool to listen to Janis Joplin and The Doors and Phish just because they came to school. I think all of that music, respectively rocks, but I just hate the people that think that that is the only good music. FUCK YOU! Open your ears. My roomate, specifically, listens to a lot of music that I would have never experienced if I didn't know him. It's of the above genre but he's not a dick about it. He shares music to me and I share my music to him and he's receptive of it. What he likes, he likes, what he doesn't, he doesn't. The same goes for me.
My problem is that people who listen to Hendrix and Zepplin think that they're somehow better than me because they "only" listen to the "classic".

GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!

No music, based on genre, in my mind, is better than any other and every song is based on it's own criteria in my brain. As it should in everyone's brain.

To keep with some sort of a theme, and becaue I'm drunk, here's an OPEN LETTER TO THE MUSIC LISTENERS EVERYWHERE!!! Stop believing that just because it's old, it's good. Or just because they can bust out 15 minute jam solos, it's good. Especially if you're a college student. I don't know much about music (meaning the mechanics and technical business and notes and etc etc) but I know that structure has something to do with writing a good song. Jamming lacks structure people. That's not saying that I don't love it in some aspects but that also doesn't meant that every band that jams is AMAZING. Avenged Sevenfold(who I don't really even like anymore) and Thrice have better guitar solos than any other band that comes to my drunken mind right now. And I'm not even bringing into play SLAYER, AS I LAY DYING, ATREYU, PANTERA, and numerous other metal bands that people play off as a "joke" but can rock more than most jam guitarists. It's come to mind, at least for me (and please people realize that I'm actually pretty well versed in the areas of music and enjoy just about a little of everything) that kids, once they come to college, think it's cool to listen to these throwback or older bands as a testament to their desire to smoke pot or to "feel trippy" or to take them to a time when things, arguably, were better, and that would be the 60's. What I have to say, whether you love it or not, is find your own nitch. Make music that's new and inspiring. Don't sit around and wait for another Hendrix or Morrison. Take the time to realize that just like time, music flows in a linear fashion. You need to grow and accomadate. If it was the 60's your 30 minute solo would be supremely enjoyed by all the "dead heads" and trippers at the show but it's not the 60's anymore. It's more than 30 years later. Take what you've learned and enjoyed from that music and make your own. And, stop listening to rap, especially Nelly or anyting commercial unless it's just for fun because, shit, goldigger is a fun song and, I'm mean, I'm not going to lie, "Holla Back Girl" by Gwen Stefani is a guilty pleasure of mine....
Okay, I'm drunk. There's a point above but it's not THAT strong. I should post wasted more often. I know I posted a disclaimer at the beginning of this rant but I'd just like to mention that this DEFINITELY doesn't apply to everyone or every current jam band. It just feels to me that at college, you're only cool if you listen to oldies and peopel who are so high they can jam for days. Highness is not an aspect I look at for music. This, in no way, means that I don't like a lot of jam bands. For instance, I listen to DMB, Phish, String Cheese Incident, Dispatch, O.A.R., FORMAN, Moe, Liquid Tension Experiment, Umphrey's Mcgee, The Dead, ULU and I could go on....

But get off your damn high horse and judge music on an individual basis. Rap isnt' that good either. Neither is emo. There needs to be a happy medium, in music, in politics, in everything.

I'm drunk, deal with it.

Speaking of deal with it, check out this link

http://www.thepostshow.com/2006/02/02

You might have to copy and paste that link because i'm void of all html skill at this point. I hope you're happy with my grammar excellence which, as far as I knwo, has been impeccable...

P.S. Goshen people! I'll be home on February 24th until March 6th. I can't wait to rock out with my peeps again. You know, the ones I haven't seen in over a month. The ones who come up every other weekend, I'm still stoaked. Sorry to anyone who wanted to come and visit me this weekend and couldn't. It's nothing personal. It's a lack of room. If I had known that it was just ONE night and "some people" were going to fall in love, other could have come but, in any case, I'm still sorry.

I love all yallz.

And, you may think this is lame but if you do I say fuck you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

Fuck off if you think it's lame.

I love anyone who loves me and also doesn't think what I just drunkedly wrote was lame.

Peace and Love on a ramble
-The Will-Miester

Just a quickie

2006-02-14T12:44:00.000-05:00

Hey all!
This is just a quickie. First and foremost Happy Hallmark day or whatever the fuck. It's cliche but FUCK VALENTINES DAY!
Okay, now that I've vented about that I was perusing my page today and I realized that some of my greatest blog posts have gotten buried and are no longer visible on the main page. I really don't know who reads my blog but any newbies (that is to say I have a few followers, which is a stretch) will not be able to stumble upon some of my best posts. So, this is a message to anyone out there who knows CSS or html well enough to add a "the best of prose and kahn's" section to my links. Any takers?
If not, be forewarned new readers of Prose and Kahn's if you don't see anything on the main page that strikes your fancy, check the archives until someone helps me or I learn CSS and HTML well enough to fix things up. Hopefully a sexier template too.

Well, that's it for now. Be easy people of "shyber shpace".
Peace and <3
-The Will-Miester

Enough already U2

2006-02-09T20:39:00.000-05:00

I didn't watch the Grammy's this year, as I never do seeing as how it's just a bunch of industry suits that rig the whole thing. I do, however, have a huge problem with one of the "big winners" of the evening. That band, as my title lets on, is U2.

They look like the Backstreet Boys there don't they folks?

To me there is not a more overrated band in history. It's true that some of their songs in the past have been classics. Who can really dislike "Bloody Sunday". But, the U2 from those days has long since dissapeared. What you get in place of a rock band from Ireland keeping it real and doing their own thing is one of the biggest exhibitions of "selling out" in years. I have to admit, I'm somewhat biased seeing as how I've never been a U2 fan to begin with but now, it just seems like they're not trying. Anything that has the label "U2" on it will sell millions of copies and win multiple awards and accolades despite the quality or artistic innovation on said album. U2's limited edition Ipod sold millions of units for apple, and you can bet your momma's panties that U2 got a pretty hefty chunk of change from that Steve Jobs character. The media of today, I feel, award mediocrity and it's reflected in the dumbing of our society and our pop culture. Just look at our currently public school system. Globally, the kids of American can't hold a candle to Asian children, or many other nations in the ways of academics. Not even to fart at, causing a mediocre burst of flatulence and methane gas. But I digress.
U2 is a band that has become more immersed in such movements as the ONE campaign and whatever foundation it is to save the music from New Orleans than they are in producing quality tunes. If you care so much, cheer them up with some actual uplifting music. You haven't been innovative for years. Almost 20 at this point. For example here are snippets of lyrics. Guess which are the most recent .

Song #1
"And it's true we are immune
When fact is fiction and T.V. reality
And today the millions cry
We eat and drink while tomorrow they die"

Song #2
"Unos, dos, tres, catorce
Turn it up loud, captain...Hello, hello
Hola
I'm at a place called Vertigo
Dond' esta
It's everything I wish I didn't know
Except you give me something I can feel
Feel"

It goes without explanation. Bono's not even trying anymore. Maybe he needs to take a time out from wearing those ridiculous glasses of his and actually read the lyrics that he writes. How can one go from something so deep in "Sunday Bloody Sunday" to speaking in SPANISH on "Vertigo"? You're from Ireland for fucks sake. Did you write these lyrics while drunk? To me, that would be the only viable excuse.

This is an open letter to the people of America. PLEASE stop believing everything the media tells you. Anyone who took the time of day to listen to this album (How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb) could tell you that it's sub-par from U2's past endeavors. And that's being nice and not saying it's should be used as a coaster or a frisbee in lieu of actually being listened to. And certainly not enjoyed. I'd rather listen to Kelly Clarkson. Think for yourself America! Don't let the suits at these record labels force-feed you that crap you shove down it. Use the internet to branch out instead of paying 99 cents a song from itunes for what can be heard half-hourly on the radio, and even more frequently than that on satellite radio.

Geez, sometimes I really do outdo myself and tackle a subject pretty large, or that I'm really amped about. This was one of those times. Expect potential edits or even further posts, that's just some stream of conciousness for you now.

Negative comments are always welcome!

Next time I go to visit another school I promise to be more sound of mind

2006-02-07T00:00:00.000-05:00

Okay people. I went to Albany on Friday. I'll give it to you straight--It was awesome. And it sucked at the same time. I don't normally do these, "this is what I did this weekend" posts but this one is warranted, and requested by people who shared the weekend with me. See? I'm good to my fans. The names have been changed to ensure some aspect of anonymity.

I arrived in Albany at around 5:30 and met up with Gotchyabitch. At his dorm, which was basically an apartment, we began the partying and the drinking with a few rousing games of beer pong. After this we hopped in the car and went on our pre-game beer run. We went to this store called Oliver's. If you go to Albany or live in that general area, you should check out Oliver's. It has an AMAZING beer selection. Well, despite the amazing beer selection we go with what is cheap and, since we'd never seen it before, what we couldn't pass up. Keystone Original. We went back to some other mutual friend's room and continued the drinkathon. Luckily, Gotchyabitch had some Jaegermiester so we did some Jaeger bombs in anticipation of what would turn out to be an eventful night.

11:30 rolls around and that is when the crazyness really sets in. We are mega drunk and two more mutual friends (Richard and Geoffery) show up. The drinking continues for a few minutes and, at around midnight, we make haste into downtown Albany for parties, bitches, and bars. We end up at some kids house and play a little bit more beer pong. Needless to say at this point, I'm very shitty, literally and figureatively. I couldn't sink one cup and, if you know me, you know that is very uncharacteristic. Anyway, we finish up there and begin barhopping. The bars in Albay are pretty cool but nothing really out of the ordinary. I do have to admit, I was so wasted at that point that any watering hole would have fullfilled my needs at the time. After several more Jager bombs and drinks we head to our last bar of the night. I want to say it was called "T's" but I have no idea. We stay there until last call and all is right with the world. We make fun of some kid with a blowout (see gotti boy post for more, haha) and I tried to pee outside and got stopped by a pizza delivery guy. Lots of antics, lots of crazyness. After last call I decide to order another Jager bomb, possibly 3 but my memory is very hazy seeing as how, at that point in my night, I was 10 hours into my binge. From what I can recall the barkeep informed me that he couldn't serve me anymore to which I replied, "WHAT THE FUCK! WHY NOT, IT'S 10 MINUTES UNTIL 4!!!" Maybe my constant haggling worked because he reappeared with 3 shots of Jager and said, "That's all I can do". Basically this guy was hooking us up. I don't know the policies and he probably couldn't serve me but, at the state I was in, I didn't feel like that was an acceptable deal. I shouted once again, "I ASKED FOR JAGER BOMBS NOT SHOTS!!! I'M NOT PAYING FOR THIS!!!!" I then abruptly took my money off the counter and slammed back my shot of Jager.
Sidebar, I'm still not sure who payed for those shots so, I think I owe you a few drinks Gotchyabitch.
Post these shots it's ineviteable that I'll do and say basically anything I feel like. The rest of that night was the manifestation of my bad decisions and mind-set while "Will Kahn Drunk"(If you know me, and you read Tucker Max, you know there's a difference, but there's also quite the similarity). We're outside of this bar and several of our crowd parts ways and head home. Standing outside with 2 outsiders and Gotchyabitch we notice two fatties. I openly make fun of them to the others and my comments are well-recieved by my party, not, presumably, by theres. Then, somehow but I can't pin-point it, we ended up walking with these fatties and heading towards their house for more boozing. We did not need anymore booze and we didn't need any fatties but our drunk logic was "Let's go hogging!" We end up there and so on and so forth and some people left and some people stayed.

To forego anyfurther embarassment I'm going to sum it up this way. I was one of the people who stayed. It was a bad decision. For several reasons. It is, however, quite a hillarious tale so those of you who know me probably already know it. Far from my proudest moment but the story is still funny in some aspects.

I wake up two hours later very drunk and confused. I get my partner in crime without stirring any of the heffers, steal some of their cigarettes because shit, after a night like that, we were entitled, and leave.

Now we're in Albany with no idea where to go. We ended up breaking into Richard's car and drove it, drunk, back to the campus. Hillarity ensued. I made my way back to Oneonta and passed the fuck out.

So that's my tale. To all the girls out there it's really not like me to do what I did but if you catch me on a night where I've been drinking for 14 or more hours straight than my behavior is beyond my control. I sincerely regret my decision and hope you ladies, and all others who know me, or don't, don't look at this one act of drunken stupidity as a tell-tale sign that I'm a scum bag. I assure you, I'm not and I really do regret everything that happened after yelling at the bartender.
If people think what I did was "cool", hopefully you'll learn something from my tale. Because, I assure you, It's not cool

An Idiots guide to, well, being an idiot

2006-01-31T01:10:00.000-05:00

Isn't the above picture ironic?

Well anyways, I know what you people are saying, "Two posts in one day! How can we be this lucky?" I have the answer for you though my followers. The answer is impromptu naps at 8:30 that prevent me from falling asleep at a somewhat reasonable (on a sober night) hour. Well, in lieu of boring you with more explanatory talk, I'll get right to it.

I have a list of pet peeves. I'm sure you've read it. If not, you probably should. Anyhow, these are some more recent things that have come to my attention that really "grind my gears" if you will. Full posts on them may happen. So here it is.....

Will's "Idiots guide to being an Idiot"

-Chuck Norris Jokes-I'll admit that they were funny when they first started but seriously, what is everyones obbsession with this guy? He's not that cool and jokes about him, however original you think they may be are, for the most part, just plain stupid. If I hear another joke about his roundhouse kick or his fucking mustache I'm going to have to roundhouse whoever says it to me. If you're still spitting out or relaying these stupid attempts at humor you should probably just join the cast of best week ever. They'd believe that your comments are "witty, satirical and comedic genius". I mean, if that fat dude with huge gap in his teeth can have his own show so can you. Aim high idiots of America. The entertainment industry is yours for the taking right now.

-Top 100 countdowns-Strapped for Televsions show ideas is a mild way to describe the reason for these abominations. Once again, when they first came out I thought some were cool. For instance, "100 Most Metal Moments", "100 Hottest Hotties"(Good eye candy!), and "100 Craziest Police Chases" for example. Now it's absolutely ridiculous. VH1 should just be called "The top 100 channel". E! enterntainment pretty much just rides VH1's jock with almost identical programming. What's next, Top 100 craziest shit to ever come out of Tom Cruise's ass". Please spare me these lists, idiots.

-Dance Music-Music in the same vain as "Nelly" and other similar crap. Not much to rant about here, if you listen to this type of music then you're an idiot.

-B.O.-Let's get this straight people. Smelling like a big bag of garbage is not appealing. If you smell, that's bad enough but some people (cough, the new foriegn kids down the hall, cough) have a smell emminating from their room like their incubating their workout clothes. Buy some axe, take a shower and use some deodorant. We all have to live in this world and noone wants to smell your stinky ass arm pits.

Well, I had more but that's all I can think of for now. So, yeah. The end...or is it?

"Does anybody else get that feeling?"

2006-01-30T16:32:00.000-05:00

This pretty much sums it up...

Nuff said.

P.S. Saves The Day's album is officially going to be released on Vagrant Records on April 4th. I'm supremely stoaked.

Also they have some shows coming up. As does Say Anything. Anyone want to join me in adventures to either or preferably both of the shows? Please let me know, I'd love the company. Any Albany people who read, this I'm thinking about making an appearance this weekend and, if so, the highlights will obviously be, well, highlighted here on Prose and Kahns. Want to be quasi-famous by associating with me? Hit me up lovely's.

Until next time I post something substantial...Peace and <3
The Will-Miester

It's too bad John Gotti wasn't caught before he made the time to reproduce

2006-01-26T20:51:00.000-05:00

John Gotti is one of the most notorious gangsters and criminals of our time. Here is a quick excerpt on his history from AmericanMafia.com...

"John Gotti, the Gambino crime boss was once known as the most powerful famous gangster in America since Al Capone. Gotti took full control of the Gambinos when (himself) along with mob associate Sammy ‘Bull’ Gravano murdered the reigning Gambino boss Paul Castellano in front of Spark’s Steak House on December 16th 1985 in Manhattan, New York. Following Castellano’s murder the Gambino Family voted Gotti to become head boss while Gravano became underboss. Frank Locascio was chosen as Gotti’s consigliere. Federal Authorities estimated the Gambino operation raked in over $500 million annually under Gotti’s control through racketeering, gambling, drugs and other illegal enterprises. Nicknamed ‘Dapper Don’ no other mobster captivated the American public like the handsome, extravagant John Gotti. He was later ‘dubbed’ Teflon Don by law enforcement after the feds failed repeatedly to convict him during the late 1980’s for major crimes…while many hated and feared him—others loved him. Law enforcement considers Gotti nothing more than a ruthless killer who thrived upon power and control to get whatever he wanted."

It's clear to me that niether he, nor his offspring should be commended or celebrated. This unfortunately is not the case in the crazy American landscape we currently reside in. His daughter, Victoria and her sons have made a name for themselves, highlighting their lavish lifestyle that is a direct result of the dirty and bloody money crime boss John Gotti made with their show on A&E called "Growing Up Gotti". This is clearly a terrible show but I'm not even going to broach this topic seeing as how it sickens me and I've never watched a full episode. What does seem to shock me, aside from the popularity of such a shitty show is the "Gotti Boy" emulators that have sprung up all over the country. To me, anyone with the last name "Gotti" is not someone to emulate but call me crazy. Actually, call me sane and rationale.

The above picture is a picture of Victoria Gotti's son's, the "Gotti Boy's" if you will. Is their anything more fake or annoying than their style? It's absolutely baffling to me how anyone would want to emulate this style, or the characters behind it but, go figure. The following is a list of things one MUST have in order to dress the part of being a Gotti boy douche bag:

1.A blow-out haircut- This is the most noticeable and arguably the most irritating of all the credentials one needs to meet to in order to look the part as a Gotti Boy. It's reminiscent of Sonic the Hedgehog or even a character from "Dragonball Z". Where the appeal in this hairstyle lies escapes me. It's clearly not an easy "do". It must take an hour of preparation and teasing to make all of the hair stand on it's end and the amount of product in these dude’s hair has the same amount of oil that was dumped by the Exxon Valdez. Keep you hair away from my retinas Goku.

2.The Popped Collar- It’s quite possible that this one irks me as equally as the blow-out. When their powers collide you know you’re in for quite the spectacle of douchebagery. There are only two people who ever pulled off the “popped collar” look and those two people are Arthur Fonzerelli, better known to the lay person as “The Fonz” and Coach Reilly from The Mighty Ducks. (Actually, come to think of it, Coach Reilly was a douche, so it was just The Fonz.) Do you think you’re flying away with your collar popped like this because, if this is the case, you probably should fly away and out of my peripheral vision, or anywhere in my line of sight for that matter. You look ridiculous.

3.Pink- It’s mandatory for a “Gotti boy” wannabe to wear/own at least one article of pink clothing. It’s usually a shirt. The last time I checked, pink was a color for queers and females (no offense to either demographic, just saying). So, unless you fit in to any of the groups mentioned before, please refrain from wearing your pink shirt. You’re not cool; you just look like a gay.

4.Accessories- It’s also mandatory for an aspiring “Gotti boy” to bring to the table several, if not all of these irritating accessories. They are, but are not limited to: wrist band on the forearm that matches the color of the shirt (usually pink), a cell-phone (because you’re so popular it probably has to be displayed on your hip in a neat little holster), a fake tan (they’re trying to look Italian so if they can’t tan, they might have to use the weird cream type shit, I don’t know who do you think I am, some spokesperson from Avon? I’m just making an observation), and some sort of “bling-bling” or jewelry. Usually gold, sometimes iced out, always lame.

Okay so now that we’ve dissected what it takes to be considered a Gotti Boy the next is my bitching and ranting and raving about them. They exhibit all the tell tale signs for being a douche bag right on the surface. I am, however, usually pretty understanding and I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. If you meet someone who fits the above description, don’t bother. They have nothing to offer in a conversation unless you really dig talking about product for your hair, or how much you spent on your new kicks or how your new wife beater looks with your new diesel jeans. On top of the fact that they bring absolutely nothing to a conversation these are also the people you always see leaving the bar or club with the female patrons of said establishment. Why ladies? Can you tell me this please? In order to attract your attention is it really necessary for me to be a raging hard on with terrible taste in music, ridiculous clothing and spend more time on my wardrobe and hair then do you or any other self respecting female in this world does? I guess, in the end, it all boils down to me not understanding the average American psyche as well as I’d like to think. Whereas the majority of douche bag guys prescribe to the “Gotti Boy” style, the majority of girls idolize Paris Hilton in this, the age of, “It’s cool if it’s expensive” etc. So maybe I’ve cracked the reason as to why the females of this generation find these people attract and an acceptable suitor. I think you can see where my next rant is heading.

Git-R-Done

2006-01-24T15:39:00.000-05:00

I've been meaning to post about this douche bag for a long time. The dumbing down of America is something I am far from excited about and is quite apparent in our everyday civilization and society. Larry the Cable Guy (Also known to me as "Larry the Douche Bag"), is so stupid and unfunny that it pains me to think that he can succeed in comedy. I guess to look at the bright side of things, if he can do it maybe so can I. Well, without further ado, here's the article. Very hillarious.

An Open Letter to Larry the "Douche Bag" from David Cross

P.S. The Gotti boy rant will come later today or tomorrow still.
P.P.S. I've removed Alex Blagg from my link list for quasi-bashing "The Bamboozle" fest. I bash music too but if he's bashing it just because there are some shitty mainstream girly-pop-punk bands on the bill then he's looking past all the amazing bands and musicians also playing the festival and for that, he's banished from the links. He's still a funny guy and I'll continue reading his blog. I'd say check out his older stuff though, he's gone way down hill.

And that's the facts jack!

New Years Resolution

2006-01-23T18:04:00.000-05:00

Okay, I know in an earlier post I mentioned that New Years resolutions are a personal thing. Well, I changed my mind.

My new year's resolution is pretty simple. Since the summer of '05, I've gained 30 pounds. That's right people in less than six months I've gained THIRTY L-B-S's. The reason for this substantial weight gain can be pretty easily pin-pointed. It is quite obviously do to my excessive binge drinking and my lack of any physical activity. With this in mind it was time to do some soul searching. I'm a big fan of my decadent and drunken lifestyle. I am not, however, a fan of my engorged beer belly. So, this is the solution I've come up with. For every month in the year of 2006 I will add on to my everyday routine a new healthy habit. In doing so, halfway through the month I will report my progress, right here, to my faithful and lovely readers. So, without futher ado, here is my new habit for January.

Going to the gym. That's right, I said it. It's a big step, I know. A drastic change in lifestyle needed to jump start my system. Quitting drinking was out of the question so the only possible way to drink comparably to my drunken and delightful past is to nip the inactivity in the bud. I'm not really ambitious with this one. It sucks. I just got back from the gym now actually and am quite sore. My goal here is not to become the next Arnold Schwarzenager(I dont' know if that's spelt correctly and, quite frankly, I don't care). My goal is just to lose the excess weight. I feel like a solid exercise program combined with eventual healthier eating habits, my weight will subside. Below are two pictures of me. One is from April of 2005. The other is right before the ball dropped and rang in 2006.

As you can see, there is a slight difference in these pictures. The difference is my engorged belly. What is not visible is the loss of definition in my arms as well. You can also notice that my face was slimmer in the April '05 pic. Well, I'm not going to bother you with symantec's. I don't even know if that's the proper word but I'm going with it.

In conclusion, I've embarked on my journey and I'll be updating once a month about it. Any one who wants to join me in my task to live a slightly healthier lifestyle and wants to attend the gym with me, they are more than welcome. Believe it or not, I did used to lift and play sports so I have some knowledge around gym equipment. Well wishes are always welcome too.

Gotti boy post either tomorrow or wednesday so be excited.

Peace and <3,
A slimming Will-miester

Excuses, excuses

2006-01-12T18:33:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't been posting more often. I've had some computer trouble that is clearly fixed as of now. I have a lot of ideas so you can expect 2006 to be quite the year in the Will Kahn Blogosphere.

2006 upcoming blogs will include, but is not limited to:
-Questioning the Gotti boy, pop-collar, blow-out hair cut trend
-The trials and tribulations of attempting to find post-college work
-Various other random topics that hit my brain and when they do I'll be posting.

As has always been the case if you have any requests on topics etc for this here site they are always welcome. And I bought a book on HTML and CSS so my template should be way more sweet in this new year.

Aren't you excited? I know I am. I just almost shat myself with excitment. 'til next time, peace and such to all ya'llz. I have to go clean up.

A sad day

2005-12-31T16:47:00.000-05:00

One of the great actors of our time has passed away on this New Years Eve. During the time of our Decadence and Debauchery tonight please take a moment of silence for the man that made commercials fun to watch. I guess it was just "time to make the donuts" in that big donut shop in the sky.

R.I.P. Michael Vale

Out with the old, In with the new.

2005-12-30T15:52:00.000-05:00

...An egomaniacal letter from William's "publicist" to you lovely readers. A 2005 Recap.

The year 2005 has come and gone. And oh what year it was in the life of William Kahn. Because of William’s budding stardom his busy schedule will not allow him to purchase any “actual” gifts for you. He decided that a cheesy “year in the life of Will” (a.k.a. Egomaniacal) recap letter would suffice in lieu of a gift or monetary benefaction. William would also like it to be noted that the complimentary towels with his initials emblazoned on the fabric are in the mail.

2005 was a big year for the king of pop. No, I’m not talking about Michael Jackson sillies, I’m talking about the man you’ve grown to know and love. That’s right, good ol’ Willie Boy! 2005 marked the first time William would taste his first legal sip of alcohol.

A junior at SUNY Oneonta at the start of 2005 Will is thumping along pretty well scholarly and is on track to graduate on time, in Spring of 2006, with an impressive GPA of approximately 3.5. He even got a D+ in Math for the Liberal Arts! Once is okay I guess, hehe.

Let’s not forget about Will’s busy summer. He was interning at FUSE (that’s right) and working his little tush off at a local gas station/convenience store in order to fuel his alcohol habits. That’s right people, this young man, on the bud of stardom, was working two jobs, and Fuse was in the city, for no pay! What a guy! Working didn’t stop William from doing what he loved to, and that’s impress people with his angelic singing voice at local watering holes and restaurant karaoke nights throughout the county. Several of his most famous and memorable performances were:
-“Jukebox Hero”-Foreigner
-“If I Only Had A Brain”-Wizard of OZ
-The “Saved by the Bell” theme song
-“I Got You Babe”-Sonny and Cher (Duet)

Will also had the privilege of running into several celebrities this past year. Continuing to make him more famous by association. In 2005 Will had run-ins with:
-Ron Jeremy-Porn Star extraordinaire
-Tucker Max-Internet Humorist
-Head Automatica-New wave, new wave funky rock group
-Dave Grohl-Singer/Guitar player for The Foo Fighters, Drummer for Nirvana, The mind that brought us Probot, Guest appearances on Queens of the Stone Age, Tenacious D, and helped record drum tracks for arguably Will’s favorite band Thrice.
-As well as on screen talent at Fuse and several other bands.

The beginning of senior year marked a new building and new roommates for William up at SUNY Oneonta. Rooming with his best friends at school, it was likely that his grades would decline. No one could have expected his superb GPA as well as the engorged belly he would return home with for the holiday season. His roommates, have fun, as the kids say these days, “on the reg” and are known to get noise complaints at all hours of the night due to their cacophonous laughter. W

The realization that he could turn his stupid antics and what some might label, “not standard” behavior into a profit, the ball began rolling for one of his most famous works to date. Will’s blog. With roughly 7 hits a day, this has turned into a major profiteering situation for him, and I’m sure all of you will reap the benefits of this in the near future. It's quite clear that 2005 was a successful and eventful year in the life of William Kahn and, in all likelyhood, the best is yet to come.

Sincerely and on behalf of William Kahn, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year to you all,
-William Kahn's Publicist

Okay, that was fun. Anyhow, that's how you make a boring pretty standard life of a 20 something sound awesome. Take notes. I hope all of you recognize the sarcasm that all of those sentences were shrouded in. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays and everything to all my lovely readers and have a happy and fun filled New Year. With that being said, here's a quick real 2005 re-cap.

2005 has come and gone. Because of this I've decided to compile a list of my top 5's of 2005. So here it is for your enjoyment. These aren't quite in order. And if you asked me tomorrow the list may be different.

Top 5 CD's
1. Say Anything- Is and Was a Real Boy
2. As I Lay Dying- Shadows are Security
3. Thrice- Vheissu
4. Life Before This-Self Titled
5. The Spill Canvas- One Fell Swoop

Top 5 Movies
1. Sin City
2. Wedding Crashers
3. 40 Year Old Virgin
4. Devils Rejects (controversial pick but it was a fun flick)
5. Waiting

Top 5 moments for Will in 2005
1. Turning 21
2. Everything about my summer. From the internship and working to the excessive drinking and amazing times with some of the best people in the world. Including Karaoke nights and shows and bars etc.
3. All the other random shows I went to I.E. He is Legend, O.A.R. etc.
4. Bamboozle
5. The fact that the year is coming to it's eventful yet welcomed end.

Alright, well there you have it. Because I'm no theater buff and I don't read books right when they come out I'll have to forego any further categories. That's just what I feel comfortable making lists about.

And oh yeah, New Years resolutions are a private thing. I have some though. Ask if you know me and want to know. Are dying to know, need to know!

Will's list of myspace grievances

2005-12-13T03:30:00.000-05:00

I admit it. I’m a myspace whore. There are worse things one could be I believe. Despite this fact, myspace is still, at times, a vast wasteland for those who have an IQ lower than that of Jessica Simpson. It is these people who shouldn’t even be allowed to operate a computer let alone create a profile on myspace. Your foolish actions need to be remedied. So here I am for you, to point out your flaws. With that said, here is my list of myspace grievances.
P.S. Don't get pissed off at this quite yet. Read it through until the end. I make up for it if I make fun of one of you lovely readers. I love you all by the way. Maybe in an unhealthy way ;)

1.People with 10 million friends-Do I really care that you’re pretty awesome at adding random people? NO. Who are you trying to impress? If it’s me (which it should be because I’m pretty awesome) you have failed miserably. I see myspace as a place to network, investigate new music, keep in touch with old friends and if you’re lucky, make some new friends. It is not, however, a place to show off you’re prowess at clicking the add friends button and anxiously waiting to see who accepts. Are you that strapped for attention that you need constant acceptance from the people of cyberspace? If you are, I feel bad for you and your high school popularity contest set of beliefs. Which brings me to my next grievance…

2.People who post bulletins/chain letters about how myspace should not be used as a popularity contest-Bulletins are a thing that I believe are overused to begin with. I’ll get into that later though. I do understand your pain however, “anti-popularity contest bulletin posters” because, as I’ve clearly stated above I hate it as well. My problem with you is you’re almost as bad. There’s probably a chain letter that is anti-people who are anti-people who consider myspace to be a “popularity” contest. What is the point of an anti-bulletin? To sway people to you’re side of beliefs? You’re so cool you non-conformist! Dare to be different. “I have 3 friends, what you think about that?!?”

3.People who post so much crap in their profile that I have to scroll the bottom scroll bar to the right-This is just a personal preference I guess but, do I really need to see every picture that you’ve ever taken with your digital camera? Chances are if I’m a real friend of yours, I remember the experience. If you have that many pictures (like I do I might add) create a webshots or a photobucket account and link to an organized situation. Also, is it necessary to post pictures of every movie/band/book/guy/gal that you’re into? I don’t need the visual; I’m quite capable of reading thank you very much. All your pictures are doing, in all likelihood, is making your page excruciating to load and read so I’m probably not paying too much attention anyway. Don’t you want to get noticed? Oh wait, I forgot, you already have 13,456 friends. I’m sure they enjoy it though.

4.People who make their myspace backgrounds clash with the font-This is directly related to grievance 3. Are you trying to steer me away from your profile? If so you’re doing a pretty good job. If I can’t read your font it’s pretty simple, I can’t read your page so I’m not going to.

5.Eighty Percent of the bulletins people post on myspace-I’m not finding that lost kid. I don’t care what color your hair was when you were five and what it is now. I don’t care that you like a song and I don’t care that you shit your pants (unless you’re the midget from the “Trapped in the Closet” R. Kelly Video). Stop using bulletins as if your life and times are so spectacular that you can’t go a minute without letting people know. I’ll admit, I’m an occasional survey filler outer and I’m an occasional “Hey check out my new pictures/new blog” type of person as well. It’s different for me though. I have fans. That last comment is dripping with so much sarcasm that it looks like my dong dripping after I “occasionally” give your mom a roman helmet. (For those of you who don’t know what a roman helmet is it’s when you take your balls and put them in the girls eye sockets and then slap you’re cock on their nose), but now I’m rambling. The point to that ramble is occasionally things are okay; actually the thing with your mom is probably more beneficial if it’s a frequent occurrence but it’s not a perfect world. Moral of this grievance- Occasional is usually good, unless it involves me, your mom, and a certain “piece” or “headdress” from the “roman times”.

6.Anyone who says, “I listen to everything except country” under the music category-This is, by no means, an acceptable answer. The music one listens to can tell you a lot about said person. If I’m searching the information super highway in order to locate some hip new people, and this drivel is what you chose to put as an answer, I’m not going to message you or attempt to befriend you. And you should be upset about that because like I said before…. I’m pretty cool. Also, does this type of an answer indicate that you really do like everything else? My money’s on no, but call me crazy. Actually no, call me Stavros. It’s a cool name. Maybe the chicky mama’s will find that attractive. Oh jeez, I’m rambling again. Back on topic, there are many genres of music. Classical, Jazz, Hip Hop, Rock, Emo, Screamo, Hardcore (and all the other “cores”), Metal (and it’s respective “cores”), International, Reggae, Rap, Gregorian Chant, Christian rock jams (clearly my favorite by the way J) etc etc etc. You know it all? Doubtful. Be specific gosh darnit.

So there you have it, my list of myspace grievances. If you prescribe to any of the above attributes and are my friend on myspace, this is not a blatant jab at you or anything. I’m simply stating my opinion. 98% of the people on my friends list are either people I know or bands I like. Don’t take it personally, if we are “real” friends than I don’t think my opinion of you’re myspace page should matter. But, people overreact sometimes. If you are my friend on myspace and exhibit any of the above traits, I still love you for being my friend, myspace or otherwise, so you should feel good about that.

Oh shit, one more thing. Ahhh, fuck it! Maybe it will be my next post.

The deaf girl is getting more action than me

2005-12-13T00:34:00.000-05:00

My esteemed colleague Bryan brought this article to my attention. This is a post basically directed to my friends from Goshen. You'll appreciate this. I HAD to bring it to your attention.

It's a must read

Copulating deaf couple unaware of own volume

Why not super powers?

2005-12-09T18:11:00.000-05:00

I've been reading, occasionally, of new genetic technology. Basically you can pre-determine what sex you child will be. You can set up your child’s genes so they will be grow up to be a good musician, a good athlete, etc. If we have this sort of power than why aren't we using it for way more awesome things? What comes to mind immediately for me, is super powers.
Here are several super powers that we should be working on twisting and turning our DNA codes to bring these dreams to life.

1. Bulletproof skin- I mean, why not? How sweet would that be? Obviously you would still be able to feel things. It'll even sting if you get shot but, like they say (even though I've always been curious as to who these "they" characters are) no pain, no gain. Think of the possibilities for our soldiers in Iraq. It would make us invincible. I don't condone violence however, I don't condone our soldiers dying for an unjust war. This would clearly turn the tables in the soldiers favor. Also you wouldn't get pesky cuts and scratches. Mosquitoes couldn't bite through your skin. The only problem I can come up with would be surgery and injections, etc. I've got a solution though. A material that is only available to Doctors to get through the skin. It would work, and be quite sweet I might add.

2. Invisibility-Don't lie. We've all thought about it. What would happen if we were invisible? I'm sure you can come up with the obvious possibilities. It would rock, basically. Walk around naked, spy on the ladies, sneak in and out of awkward situations undetected, the list goes on.

3. The ability to shape shift-You ever want to feel what the female orgasm is all about. Sneak into VIP parties. That would all be at your fingertips with this power. I know what some of you are thinking. If there were invisibility and shape shifting, everyone would be a criminal mastermind. WRONG! If you're an upstanding citizen, you know you'll raise your child properly. He'll grow up to be a super-HERO not a super-villain. You could always use more super-heroes.

4. Flying-Do I have to explain this one?

And there you have it. There are obviously many more super powers that would be super sweet but that's all I have the stamina for tonight. If you want to play God with your "gene technology" (Despite the phrasing I don't really have anything against it. Don't read too much into me. I'm pretty base) then why not make the human race even sweeter than it already is. It seems to me like evolution has stopped. Humans are humans and that's it. Why not speed up the process if we can? Bring humans to an even more awesome point. Come on now, it makes sense.

Just a quickie commentary of Bill O'Reilly

2005-12-09T11:18:00.000-05:00

And his stupidity.

Yesterday I was watching The Daily Show. Not where I usually go for my news but still quite a hillarious television program. Anyhow, there was a segment at the beginning of the show regarding Bill O'Reilly. Let me give you guys a little back story on this. Apparently Mr. O’Reilly thinks that people are waging a "War on Christmas". He particularly singles out Jon Stewart and The Daily Show in promoting these "Secular" viewpoints. In his commentary on a show earlier this week he even showed a clip from The Daily Show that had a joke that went something like this, "Christmas remains the only religious federal holiday. So, if you're not Christian, you still at least get the day off to think about why you're not Christian." Or something along those lines.
Now back to The Daily Show. This clip that Mr. O’Reilly played on his show is a year old. Jon Stewart and the people at Comedy Central brought this out in the open, and in quite hilarious fashion I might add. The woman in the clip is now 9 months pregnant. She was VISIBLY not pregnant in this clip. She came onto the stage, showing her "bun in the oven" and accentuating it with the same shirt she was wearing in the clip. It barely fits anymore.
Bill O’Reilly, what is your problem? Everyone's entitled to his or her beliefs and I can't bash you for that, but have some common sense. There's no "War on Christmas". It's the biggest F'in holiday of the year. Consumerism is at year highs, as it always is. What is it that you feel is taking away from the religious part of Christmas' celebration? The mass consumerism? The people being trampled participating in said consumerism in order to obtain an Ipod for their 10 year old?
If you had any common sense you'd realize it's not the "liberal media" portraying a secular set of beliefs, it's the vast consumer world wind that Christmas has become in the past 10 years. Plus, skewing the facts and playing year old video to make a "relevant" and "up to date" point is pretty high on my list of bias in the media.
If you'd like to be taken seriously Mr. O’Reilly you should stop skewing the facts and keep your racist (still boycotting France for some reason) and religious beliefs to yourself. All you're doing is adding more fuel to the already biased news station and "CONSERVATIVE media" fire.
You're not clever Mr. O’Reilly. Merry Christmahanakwanza everyone.

I promise I'll be posting more soon. I know I say it every time but it's finals okay? I'm almost done. I know you're in withdrawal. I hope this holds you over for a bit.

All apologies

2005-12-02T13:29:00.000-05:00

I'd like to use this post to apologize for my lack of a new post. I've been really bogged down with end of the semester work but I'm really hoping on posting two on or before next week.

Also, if anyone has any ideas for an entry or something they want to see me rant about, I am always up for creative suggestions.

And one more thing. I'm quite interested in making my blog page look a lot cooler. So, if anyone who reads this knows anything about web design and/or html let me know and maybe we can work something out. My screename is Spidey1169 so just get in touch with me via that venue of communication.

Once again, I apologize for the lack of entries but the next ones should be pretty awesome. And since I'm on this apologetic kick, I'll apologize in advance to anyone who happens to be a fan of that fat, no talent, ass clown known as Andy Milonakis. Because that is who I'll be bashing next.

Until then stay krazy and klassy faithful readers.

-The Will-Miester

R. Kelly = A comedic genius

2005-11-18T01:33:00.000-05:00

Not that creative, if you're trying to be a musician, but as a comedian--It's just gold, pure comedic gold. If you haven't been keeping track of R. Kelly's Urban R and B opera then, your missing out. And I'll fill you in and try to leave some to the imagination because, despite it's ridiculousness, it's still worth a viewing or two. There are 22 chapters in this saga, and I'm admittedly riveted and on the edge of my seat for the rest. I've seen up to Chapter 8 and some of 9. Here's a quick synopsis.

R. Kelly plays a character whose name is Sylvester. Sylvester was cheating on his wife the night prior and has just awoken in her bed. Basically the woman informs Sylvester that he has to leave quickly but there's no time. So he jumps in the closet. Then the woman's husband makes his appearance and, ironically enough, Sylvester's phone rings. Sylvester is caught by the husband and tries to leave because he's "not a part of this". The husband tells Sylvester and the wife to both stay put, and tells them that there is something he needs to show them both first. He makes a phone call and tells the person on the other end to come to his house. Meanwhile, Sylvester threatens to shoot the husband and wife if they do not let him leave. Sylvester tells the couple that they have to the count of four before he starts shooting. When he gets to the number four, the husband’s lover is revealed to be a man. Sylvester is baffled at this, as is everyone else in the room so, being so distraught in such a "sticky" situation he decides that his best plan of action is to call up his wife at home. Which, personally, is quite baffling. When he calls his wife a man answers the phone. So, he speeds home only to get pulled over by a chain-smoking police officer and get a ticket. He bursts in the door and sees that his wife is in the shower. He pulls out his gun and pulls the curtain back. Alarmed, his wife steps out of the shower and tells Sylvester that her brother Tron is home from jail today. He breathes a sigh of relief and they begin having ferocious sex on the bed. And then Sylvester spots a used condom on their bed. Somehow his wife and the woman who he was cheating with, or the gay guy the husband was cheating with are connected but that connection is loose at best. It turns out the Sylvester's wife's lover is the policeman who pulled him over earlier. They, for whatever reason, begin to laugh about this and then the policeman reenters the plot. He thinks that the laughing is crying and bursts in. Sylvester and him get into a bit of a spat and someone is shot. In the next chapter it is revealed that it's Tron, Sylvester's wife's brother who was shot. They think he's dead but it's just a flesh wound. Good thing. After he gets cleaned up there's a knock at the door. Sylvester, once again foolishly, pulls out his gun and opens the door. Behind the door is my personal favorite character, Rosie the nosey neighbor. She comes, equipped with a FLY SWATTER I might add, to see what the ruckus is all about. This issue goes unresolved; maybe they murdered her, who knows? The officer leaves and calls his wife Bridget. Bridget is a middle aged, ugly and gross white woman. Just so you have a visual, all of the other characters in this tale of love, mishaps, and trials and tribulations, the rest of the slew of characters is of African American descent. When the officer arrives home his portly (and that's a nice way to describe her) greets him and gives him a kiss, then insists that he go upstairs. Her urgency makes the officer spectacle of what is going on and his portly wife insists it's nothing. The last scene of this chapter shows R. Kelly, as a new character, the narrator, in this woman’s closet. He's also smoking a cigar. And I'm obviously quite baffled at how the "chain smoking policeman" didn't notice the horrendous odor coming from his pantry closet. This is the end of chapter 8 and what I've seen up to.
In the bits and pieces of chapter nine, what prompted me to write this blog in the first place, is this. The officer is still skeptical with his wife and notices a cherry pie on the kitchen table, after moving the fridge, which I don't quite understand. Anyways, he sees the pie and realizes that his wife is allergic to cherries. Clearly rock solid evidence that she's cheating and something I found to be quite hilarious. He becomes enraged. Bridget stands in front of the cabinet door and he pushes her aside. He opens the door and R. Kelly's new character...get this...isn't the suspense killing you?.........see what I mean...on the edge of your seat right...R. Kelly's new character is a midget. Let me say it again. A MIDGET!!!!!!!!

How ridiculous is this tale. Not only is it ridiculous now, its not even finished. It's 22 chapters long. I can’t wait to see what's in store. Like I said at the beginning this shit is comedic gold. You can't make this shit up for a stand-up routine. You actually have to be a sick and twisted R and B recording artist to come up with this shit. He should have just pawned it off to the general public as comedy. It'd be great. Release it in the movies; put it on Broadway, it would be a monstrous hit. As a song, it’s quite lacking. It’s the same melody repeated over and over again. As comedy, it's great. Who comes up with characters like Rosy the Nosy neihbor, clad with only a robe and a fly swatter? why would there be a midget?

It might not make sense, but I like it and I laugh at it. Thank you R. Kelly. You just made my night!

An oldie but a goody. Our list of Pet Peeves

2005-11-12T20:44:00.000-05:00

Pet Peeves-By Will Kahn and Bryan Lewis
****Disclaimer****If you belong to any of the groups or have any of the traits listed therein you should not be reading this anyways, because you probably suck. These are in no particular order. That being said, Enjoy!

1. People who drive slowly in the left lane of the thruway.
2. People who use umbrellas. Get a jacket and a hat you lazy FUCK!
3. Americans who can’t speak the English language properly
4. “Non-conformists”
5. 90% of people who belong to a Fraternity
6. People who always look to start a fight. Don’t be upset because you have tiny testicles…It’s a side effect of the all the ‘roids you’re goosed up on.
7. Liars (especially girls who lie) and people who are two-faced
8. People who do drugs because they think it makes them look “cool”
9. People who talk consistently through class and distract me.
10. People who don’t read books..EVER
11. People who refuse to expand their musical horizons
12. People who can’t or refuse to admit it when they’re wrong.
14. Anyone who blindly supports the Bush administration
15. People who take forever to order food while I’m in line
16. People who refer to professional athletes/celebrities by their first name, as though they are friends with him or her. E.G. “Pedro pitched awesome last night.” Or, “Did you see Denzel’s new movie”.
17. A good amount of jocks, especially baseball, football and wrestling people.
18. People who mispronounce words, e.g. “Punkin” or “Libary”.
19. People who charge inexpensive items to their credit card
20. Vegans
21. People whose first and last name don’t add up to at least 3 syllables, with the only exception being Brett Shacht.
22. People who wear real fur coats or animal skin boots.
23. Designer bags.
24. People who don’t care what’s going on in our country
25. Christian Conservatives
26. People who talk too loudly in a public setting. You know who you are!
27. Hands free cell phone kits and the douche bags that use them outside of their vehicle.
28. People who wear shorts outside during the winter…You’re so unique
29. People with poor umbrella etiquette, if you’re going to be an asshole and use one, please keep the pointy things away from my retinas
30. People who count the exact number of beers/drinks they had at a party; more so, anyone who must insist on telling you throughout the night how fucked up they are
31. People who smoke weed, listen to rap music and think they're Biggie Smalls
32. Racist people
33. Ignorant people
34. White/Chinese guys who dress like some homeboy from Brooklyn. Get your own style you impersonator. Also, anyone of any race who speaks in Ebonics.
35. Guys who intentionally wear clothes that are entirely too tight. You’re so EMO
36. People who are stingy with money when they clearly have a lot of it.
37. People who eavesdrop on conversations
38. Anyone who wears one of those stupid WWJD bracelets. Or, anyone who wears a Yellow Lance Armstrong bracelet for fashionable reasons or any one of the plethora of bullshit bracelets currently circulating.
39. Anyone with a thick Long Island accent
41. People who can’t seem to flush the toilet. Although maybe this was a rebellious act age 10, now it’s just unsanitary and gross.
42. Fat people who, although they know that they’re fat, refuse to exercise or eat properly and instead just lay around all day eating more and complaining.
43. Girls who say they’re fat when they’re clearly not.
44. Anyone on the fucking Atkins Diet
45. People who are so fat that, even though they are not disabled in any way must use a wheel chair to get around and/or have a handicap sticker.
46. 99% of reality TV
47. 75% of all TV
48. Fat girls who wear ass pants with hottie or princess written on them.
49. People who complain about contacts but refuse to wear glasses
50. People who spend too much time in front of the mirror
51. Girls who wear way too much make up.
52. People who have simple ass jobs but still can’t do them properly, and I have to pick up the slack.
53. Anyone who plays fantasy games, D and D, Magic Cards ETC.
54. Girls who don’t say thank you when I go out of my way to hold the door for them.
55. People who listen to bad rap music (almost any rap made in the last few years) and people who listen to the crap on MTV.
56. People who overuse quotes from movies or TV e.g. “I’m Rick James BITCH!”
57. People who get genuinely offended at stupid things e.g. swearing.
58. People who are pro-censorship
59. People who contradict themselves on a regular basis
60. When you are hanging out with someone (especially if it’s a girl) and they make plans to do something else right in front of you.
61. Girls who lead guys on.
62. Girls who talk, A LOT, about guys while in the company of guy(s).
63. People whom breath really loudly, specifically in a quiet setting e.g. movies and tests. (Oh Fatty McGee, the fire dept. thinks the fire alarm went off again)
64. Anything related to NASCAR. Argh! Driving a car around in a circle isn’t a sport, and most certainly doesn’t take any talent. If I wanted to watch cars driving around, I’d bring a chair to the Goddamn highway.
65. The abnormal amount of work due during the last 2 weeks of the semester.
66. Anyone who thinks they are all that and a bag of chips.
67. The influx of bad Latin music after (and including) Ricky Martin.
68. People who complain about the weather no matter what it’s like outside.
69. Jessica Simpson style boots….UGGS
70. Bad Drivers-or anyone entirely to old to be on the road. Public transportation is here for a reason, USE IT!
71. Females with Facial hair. YOWZA!
72. When you can’t tell if someone is male or female.
73. Girls with Guy haircuts
74. People who prolong class by asking the most inane questions
75. When the teacher asks a blatantly obvious question to the whole class but, no one answers and I feel obligated to (but don’t because I’m lazy).
76. People who wear professional sports shit and don’t know anything about the team except that the colors match their shoes and doo-rag.
77. The unnecessarily large (long) t-shirts that gangsta's wear.
78. Pre-Ripped Jeans
79. Anyone who thinks they know all there is to know about cars.
80. Guys who “trick out” slow cars.
81. How big of a deal it is to download music for free.
82. People who whistle along to a song, specifically if their whistling is slightly off key.
83. Guys who act like the biggest assholes and then some of the coolest, down-to-earth, girls I know (and often really like and care about) are in love with these douches.
84. When someone suggests something in conversation but then doesn’t say what it is; for example, -“You should have seen what Bob did last night, it was so crazy.” “What’d he do?” “Never mind…”
85. People who say, “That’s hot!” Just because Paris Hilton does.
86. People who think Paris Hilton has any other talents besides what she can do in the sack.
87. When shirts shrink in the dryer.
88. The fact that button technology hasn’t gone anywhere since it was invented-things really should be faster.
90. McDonalds-pretty much everything about it.
91. The fact that it’s “hip” to be into Kabbalah…because of Madonna…Who was once the nations biggest whore. Kind of makes you think.
92. People whom talk online on AIM or some sort of instant messaging service while I’m on the phone with them.
93. Most guys with the following names: Todd, Darryl, Stanley, Guy (not pronounced “Gee”, because that’s cool), ‘topher, when your real name is Christopher, and Ishmael. Ishmael mostly just for good measure.

A lil media critique...why not?

2005-11-12T18:29:00.000-05:00

As some of you know I’m currently a senior Mass Communications major. With this in mind, I’ve decided to fore go several ideas for a new blog that I have floating around in my head and have opted to blog about the sorry state of media (specifically television and film) these days. It might not be my funniest blog, but it has to be said.

Television- The only way I can start a rant about the current state of television is with this one phrase: Reality television will be the downfall of society. Period. Ninety percent of television programming is horrendous anyway. What makes matters worse is the onslaught of reality programming in the post-Survivor era. Here are some of the worst reality television shows playing currently on our local stations

*Laguna Beach-Are you serious with this one? Can people actually watch this and believe it’s “reality. I can tell you right now that the show is staged. The camera angles are too precise, the dialogue, however idiotic and “straight iggnint dog” is clearly scripted. On top of the fact that the “reality” portion of this show is a farce, it is also a perfect example of all that is wrong in our American society. It’s highlighting what the swanky and the rich of Orange County, California can waste their money on. And the worst part about it is the youth of America see this constant consumer culture and swoon for their lives to be similar. They highlight the drama of every day upper-class life. And the youth of America strive to be like them in every way. It’s just pitiful.

*Big Brother- Here’s another great portrayal of current America society. It truly shows that the perception of the average American that either participates or watches this show is that money is the all mighty. Money, money, money. These “contestants” will stop at nothing in order to get their fare share of the prize. Not much to rant about here. If you like watching paint dry, or seeing your parents fight, then you might want to watch this show. Because it’s got it’s fair share of boredom and irrational fights. Just a thought.

*Fear Factor- This show shouldn’t even be considered television. The stunts, however cool, are clearly staged. And you see these people, time and time again, unable to perform well in them. Even if this does somewhat contradict a point I made ranting about Big Brother, if you’ve got a wad of cash on the line and you’re participating in a stunt to win said cash (with little to no chance of perishing while performing) just suck it up. Eating testicles and donkey brains and Snuffleufagus snout is just appalling and is degrading to human beings as a species. Unless you live in some tribe in Africa or something; but that’s beside the point.

*The Contender/Ultimate Fighting Championship- Okay, being a testosterone filled male, I’m obviously a big fan of boxing and fighting etc, however, ever since the Ultimate Fighting Championship matches have been broadcast on Pay-Per-View, the show has gone drastically downhill. No one wants to watch a bunch of meatheads living in a house together. And the fights on the show can, in no way, surpass the Pay-Per-View fights. The Contender is another show I don’t care for that much, despite my inherent love for televised violence and bloodshed. To steal a line from Greg Geraldo, “I’m pretty sure we used to have a similar show to find the best boxer in the world. Yeah, it was called BOXING. That was a good show.” I rest my case.

I could go on all day about the suckyness of Reality television but it’s time to move on to a different genre of television. The pop-culture gossip kind. What is the deal with the gossip shows? I don’t need to know Paris Hilton’s whereabouts at every waking moment. I loved the 80’s just as much as the next person but do we need 3 versions of “I love the 80’s” playing non-stop on VH1. Who are these comedians that lend their commentary to these shows anyways? Washed up/ never been comedians…kind of like me. What happened to original programming? Why is it necessary to re-cap the week’s events in a show called “Best Week Ever”? P.S. Your commentary isn’t witty, it’s just plain poop. What happened to creativity? That brings me to my next point.

Movies- What’s the deal with movies now days? Are we that strapped for creative ideas that we have to consistently rehash age-old television shows? And video game movies? We don’t need to see some sorry adaptation for a video game or age-old television show. I thought we lived in a world with creative people. Apparently that is not the case. The worst part about these “remake” feature films is they’re poorly made. Even if, by some magnificent stretch the television version of the remake film is quite entertaining, they always end up hiring the worst actors and directors to produce these films. Except for Starsky and Hutch, because I’m partial to a Ben Stiller/Vince Vaughn/Owen Wilson (with a Will Farrell cameo I might add) film. New comedies are non-existent, unless it’s featuring the cast above. Comedy in film has melded into the “teeny bopper” movie genre. Movies that fall into this ilk are “She’s All That”, “Bring it On” and many other sucky pictures.

If a new movie isn’t some rehashed television show, or some poor excuse for comedy, it’s usually a historical film. I enjoy war movies, when they are done right, but “Alexander”, “Troy”, what’s next? “The Bible-the untold tales”. If I wanted to watch a historical movie, I’d pretty much just hit up my trusty History Channel.

Well, that’s my rant for now about the current state of media. This might be a running theme in my blog, as I review new movies. I am pretty awesome though, so the movies I see are usually top of the line. Anyways, apologies to those who read this thinking it was going to be comedy gold. I promise I’ll be updating more frequently after this one.

O Canada

2005-10-31T01:56:00.000-05:00

Preamble: Those of you who know me know that I was in Canada from Thursday night through Friday night. This was, unfortunately, the first time I’ve ever been out of the country. This post will serve as a foreigner’s outlook on Canada and to recap the trip, because it was fucking sweet.

Overall I believe the main reason why Canada perplexed me so much is just because I wasn’t used to the foreign culture. And I can deal with my own personal ignorance pretty well. But, these are a few things that just baffled me about Canada and Canadians in general.

#1: I don’t like your currency. I’m not going to lie. I know this is basically a stab at every European country ever but, why do you need 1$ and 2$ coins. Solely so my American pockets can be stretched to their physical potential? Who knows? By the end of my Canadian excursion I had a little baggy filled with all this unnecessary change. I still have some. Canadians must carry gay little change purses. I’ll take dollar bills thank you very much.

#2: Despite the language barrier, a lot of the kids seemed like they listened to good music, so I can’t complain there but, EVERY single youngster I saw in Canada (granted it was at a “scenester” bar and a show) were SOOOOO very fashion-core. On top of that their moshing consisted of pushing you with their two fists and gyrating and they clapped, during songs, at extremely unnecessary times. Basically their show etiquette was just piss poor. They pushed without even attempting to say, “Excuse me” and seemingly pushed you blatantly out of the way for little or no reason. And a side note, maybe I’m just an old fart and got into “this sort” of music before they did, but you HAVE to move around for Saves the Day. Even just bob your head, do something. They were so sick. At least clap after the songs more. That just baffled me.

#3: This one also might just be because I was drunk several times in our car trips, or paying attention to the antics and not the roads, but their road system seemed even more confusing than NJ. And that’s a tough reputation to live up to.

Other than that this trip was totally awesome. And those are just petty things. Now, for all of your enjoyment, here’s the story of the entire trip.

We shipped off from Oneonta at around 6:30 or so and were in for a LONG car ride to Canada. Spirits were high in the beginning and lasted for quite some time, maybe an hour but then began to slowly swing to the lower side of the spirit spectrum. For myself personally I was out of new tales to tell the hometown crew and I was pretty cramped seeing as how we managed to squeeze three people in the back seat of a Hyundai Sonata. We trudged along and listened to tunes. Some slept, others (like myself) did not. We switched drivers at around the four-hour mark and that was, I believe, our first break. *** I took a break from this blog and realized there’s no reason to bore you with every last detail. The drive there was not all that awesome. *** So we arrive in Canada, after passing through customs with ease, at around 11:45 or 12 A.M. with drinking copious amounts of alcohol being only thing on our minds. After we checked into the hotel we headed out for a night on the town. We herded back to the car and drove into the city of Montreal. We drove around for a while, mostly with zero clue of where we were or where anything good to do was. (Highlight of this car ride was breathing in, smelling beer, looking up, and realizing we were right below the Molson brewery. Very awesome and I have pictures that need to be developed.) We asked someone in the car next to us where a good area for drinking was and he told us the name of some street. Someone, I’m not going to mention any names (Connolly) said he knew where this street was, which made us neglect to get any directions from this nice gentlemen. We continue driving around aimlessly, until we stumbled upon a strip of several bars and, presumably, a strip club. We, as pumped to drink as we were, jumped at the opportunity, parked the car, and started walking down the strip. We noticed a couple holding hands. The odd thing about this was the fact that they were both dudes. We shrugged it off, thinking, “It’s a big city” and kept walking. We then looked to our right and saw the strip club. We mentioned how we should probably visit it later, and kept walking. As we continued walking down the strip we began to realize that there were little to no females in the area. That, plus the presence of the lads holding hands, led the thoughts of this being the gay district creep into our brains. At this point the signs became more obvious. There was a sign on a window for gay pride and we saw two men making out. That was the last straw and we turned around. As we were walking back through Gay-town Montreal we saw two men wearing leather get-ups and then, the clincher, a poster containing the image of two men curiously close to kissing and writing that, loosely translated from French said, “Super Gay”. We made haste and ended up on the street the gentlemen mentioned to us earlier. We ended up at a bar that was filled to the brim with fashion-core people, although it was a pretty sick bar. Drinks were expensive, and Jager bombs are called “uppercuts” but it all in all it was a good bar. I wish we had gotten there earlier. It was approximately three stories high with about 5 bars and a huge dance floor and they played good music e.g. The Postal Service, Led Zepplin, Slayer, Metallica, Bob Marley etc. After meeting a very sexy and quite cool Canadian chick, we headed out following their 3 O’clock last call. We got back into the car with our first international drinking night under our belts. Connolly yelled out the window at Canada the whole ride home and that was just ridiculous. The next day was the show. We went “sight seeing” in the city, which mostly consisted of us fucking with people and looking for a place to eat. We finally settled on “Hanky’s” or something when we were closer to the venue. Then the show!

This show was fucking amazing. One of the best shows I’ve seen in a really long time. The bands I saw were:
-Emanuel
-The Early November
-The Bled
-Saves the Day
-Underoath
-Senses Fail
-Thrice

I am a fan of all of these bands except The Early November I don’t really care for at all and my feelings on The Bled are “ehhhh”. Anywho, all the bands that I really like, (Saves The Day and Thrice being two of my top favorite bands of all time) were out of control. The Early November is just too, I don’t know what, for me. Never been a big fan. Emanuel pretty much rocked. They are much better live than on recording and their song selection was pretty sweet. The Bled I am never impressed with live. I think all of their songs sound exactly the same. In my eyes, probably the worst band I saw. Saves the Day was fucking incredible. They had an awesome song selection. And, the new song they played was scrumptious. It is right back to their old style before that disaster of an album “In Reverie”. I was so excited when I heard it that it felt like I was being reunited with a long lost relative. That’s the only way I can describe the feeling that came over me. Underoath were the best I’ve ever seen them. The drummer was extra nuts and his double bass drum sounded exquisite. Whoever mixed the drum set knew what the fuck they were doing. Underoath are gods in Canada though so it was pretty crazy. Definitely best set I’ve ever seen by them. Senses Fail usually always disappoint me in a live setting. Some of their old songs did, in fact, disappoint because the singer can’t hit his notes for shit. What made up for their usual sucking was the new influence on their music. They came out to and played, several, VERY METAL, solos and breakdowns. They also had a new song which was quite metal, and quite awesome I might add. If that’s the direction they’re heading in, then I’m pumped. Also “187” is always a delight to hear. Then comes THRICE. In my eyes, the best band on the planet right now. So talented and so…genius. They never cease to amaze me when I see them live and this show was no different. Highlights of their set were “For Miles”(Which was dedicated to Saves the Day), “Deadbolt”, “Music Box” and acoustic “Stare at the Sun”. There was not a low point in their set at all. Just amazing, no other words to describe it, all in all, a great show.

P.S. On the way home Sullivan and I killed half a bottle of Goldschlager and a full bottle of Jagermeister. So…you can imagine what the ride home was like.

That’s my Canada trip, pretty thorough. I’m pumped to go back. Sorry in advance (whoops) for the length of this post.

"Come-a knock on my door. I won't be be waitin'-a for you"

2005-10-21T16:07:00.000-04:00

If you're a fat cow that is.

Okay, that sounds harsh, and it is, but let me explain myself. I have no problem with fat people. They're generally very nice (I mean, they kind of have to be) and I'll admit that being overweight isn't necassarily preventable for some people. However, I'm not talking about your average slightly overwieght person. Shit, I myself am somewhat overweight. I'm talking about the cows and specifically for this blog, those of the female persuasion. Well, without further ado here's my tale.
Wednesday night. Not my standard lets get wasted night but you can never tell with me. I begin the night drinking vodka tonics and leave to go to Sego Cafe to see Rachel play open mic with a nice solid buzz. I continue drinking steadily there, mostly Guiness and once Rachel's set is over we moved on to the pizza place. Had a pitcher there and ended up at the bar. This is where the story starts to get interesting. The bar I go to is having a ladies night special. I'm so wasted at this point that I don't really care. Eye candy, I think to myself, as I order all I can drink (easily the best part of this ladies night, after cover, guys drink for free too). Anyways I meet up with Connonlly and drink a plethora of beers before we decided to move on out. I was quite intoxicated and not paying too much attention to my surroundings but from what I could gather Connolly was makin' out with a pretty attractive lady who seemed to be alone. When we decided to roll out the girl Connolly was with, and her fat friend decided to follow along. I still didn't think much of this considering I was so wasted and just ignored her as another member of a slew of people who I didn't know that I was currently hanging out with. On the walk to Sal's pizza, apparently my second trip of the night, all the alcohol got the best of me and I booted a lil while walking. I took it in stride. The fatty asks me if I'm alright and I respond with an encore booting performance and a grunt. But I was fine after that and ready to fill back up. At Sal's I ended up drinking more beer until the fatty proposes the idea of getting a cab back home. I mention that I have NO money and was actually pretty pumped for the walk.....This is where the story takes a turn for the worse. She grabs my hand and says, "That's okay, you can stay with me in my room tonight." I'm absolutely baffled by this turn of events seeing as how I hadn't even gotten this girls name or even spoken a word to her. Being the asshole I am, I do like the prospect of a free ride home so I hop along. The cab we get is a van style and I'm in the middle of the far back seat. Fatty to my left and Connolly and his girl to my right. They start going at it in the cab and the next thing I know fatty grabs my arm and puts it around her rather large shoulders. To this I say "ehhh, she's giving me a free ride home" and don't think much of it. That is until she physically smacks me in the face and pulls me towards her face to go in for the kiss. She plants one until I pull back in disgust and muster up a "wow!" Not the good kind of wow either. So now she puts her hand on my thigh and I'm feeling increasingly akward as the seconds slowly tick off the clock. I look to my right and see Connolly's lady puking into a cup. I mention to the cab driver, "It could be worse" and then fatty goes, "LET ME OUT OF THE CAR RIGHT NOW! STOP THE CAR OR I'LL PUKE TOO". Needless to say I was opening the fridge as my window of opportunity to get away had just opened. The side door of the vancab opened and I was out like a phantom. I'm pretty sure I beat both the potential pukers out of the car and just briskly walked my way in the opposite direction of the cow. After I felt like they couldn't see me anymore I broke into a gazelle like stride and ran all the way back to my room.
Fatties, you have to run away from them.
P.S. Connolly said the cow was super pissed and suprised by my actions. He also calls this tale "tale of the year" due to the fact that watching me from behind and seeing my blazer flap in the breeze was quite hillarious.
P.P.S. I didn't break any of the rules of the Geneva convention. It was perfectly acceptable for me to run from the fatty.

Aliens-You've poked and prodded but you still don't know who we are

2005-10-21T11:16:00.000-04:00

I know what you’re saying. Why is this a valid topic to write about? You’ll see my friends you’ll see. I have a few questions for these so-called “extraterrestrials”.

Why does it seem like these aliens are always abducting rednecks. I mean, the south and those that prescribe to a redneck set of beliefs do make up a solid amount of our country, but they don’t speak for the world. These people shoot guns at anything that moves, mate within their own families, believe squirrels are a delicacy etc. They don’t have a lot of teeth either. Last time I checked this is not the case with the average earthling, except the whole shooting guns at everything part. So, why hicks? I guess they’re dumb enough to be wandering in a field at an ungodly hour of the night but it just seems to me, thinking like an alien of course, that you’d want one of two things in the earthlings that you decide to abduct. If your goal, as said alien, were taking over our planet, wouldn’t you want to abduct the leaders, or at least someone who was mildly intelligent? I mean, I’m no “alien expert” (get used to me being not at expert at anything I talk about in this blog) but, I seem to remember watching an alien show or two on sci-fi channel or National Geographic and, no offense…actually fuck it, to full offense, the “survivors” were not all that intelligent. It’s not hard to mispronounce “U.F.O.” seeing as how they are just letters in the form that we’ve all agreed upon but these people manage to pull it off, quite nicely I might add. I’ve got this feeling, and call me crazy, but if aliens are hell bent on universal domination and, quite obviously, need the earth to complete that goal, the people they should be poking and prodding should be the people hell bent on world domination; Like the Bush administration for instance. They could probably use an anal probe stuck up their respective Asses. Although there may not be enough room with all the bullshit they got up there. But that’s for a whole different blog all together. The second type of person aliens should be more interested in abducting are people that they’d like to kill. Oh wait…maybe they’re on the right track when they park outside of the Indianapolis 500.
A smarter choice would be going to a college town or an urban area to really find information about the human species right? There’s plenty of people, different ethnicities and different levels of intelligence. So why not go to New York City and suck up some Manhattanite while he’s sipping his Starbucks coffee and probably holding an umbrella.

Although I don’t really know how sticking something up an ass is a valid way to gain information on us humans. Maybe that’s not even the case, maybe they’re just perverts.

Either way, Aliens, You may think you know us, but you have no idea!

Commuting--No one does it by choice

2005-10-10T11:22:00.000-04:00

Preamble(That's right. You know it's going to be sick if you write a preamble). Anyways, here's my first attempt at actually writing one of my rants. It's slightly dated but this is the first time it's being transcribed on the internet. Aren't all ya'llz lucky. Well, without further ado, here it is.

Why Commuting Sucks? Don't even get me started

First off, let's make this abundantly clear. For the lucky few of you out there who haven't expereinced that hustle and bustle of morning commute into New York City I'll give you a pretty solid analogy to keep in mind. Commuting is about as fun as masturbating to pictures of Sally Jesse Raphael. As most of you can gather, that sort of thing is not really fun and games. I commute via train which is arguable the most inexpensive yet worst way to commute.

Reason #1: It smells. Don't ask me how or why but I'm quite certain train cars have this as a special feature to make your trip EXTRA enjoyable. After running constant trips all day, usually beginning at about 5 a.m., these train cars become a mobile container for everyones rancid morning breath. Now, don't get me wrong, my morning breath could be bottled, pressurized and then used as a non-lethal chemical weapon, but when you put mine plus thousands of others together, throughout the day, that shit could easily be mistaken for Hiroshima if you dropped that shit on someone. Secondly, why does it always smell like urinal cakes? If someone could answer this question for me I'd be more comfortable sleeping at night. Did the bathroom explode? Are we fueling our trains nowadays using 10,000 flushes blue? It just boggles my mind.

Reason #2: Noise pollution. Okay, I usually have my trusty Ipod on-fairly loud-and drone out my fellow commuters yet sometimes, when I'm feeling like an piece of ass from a long night of drinking and forgotten to turn it off in my car the night before, I have no other choice but to suffer with the grumblings and bumblings of those around me. These are the days I hate (and if you know me, you know that me being hungover and this scenario happening fairly often is not at all far fetched). But on these fateful days there's always several things the average commuter will come in contact with that really "Grind my Gears", thanks Seth Mcfarlane!
For starters there's always at least one asshole who deems it necassary to "bling" someone up on his/her nextel phone. If you're confused with my hip lingo, "bling" is the walkie talkie feature these sorry excuses for cell phones have. I've been known to call it "the walkie talkie with a direct line to H-E-double hockey sticks." Not only does the voice coming from the other end sound like a demon burning in hell but, the conversation, if you can even call it that (Yes I do listen in. If you're going to be an asshole and broadcast your private life for all to hear, I'm going to eavesdrop a little. It's my right, deal with it), usually goes something like this:

Commuter: Hey man! What's up?
Person on other line/Demon from Hell: HISISSSSSKIASHHHHHNothingmuchHISSSSYou?
Commuter: WHHHHHAAATTT???????
D.F.H.: HIIISSSSS I SAID HIISSSSSSSSSS You?
Commuter: Oh cool. I'm on the train.

And this obviously useless banter continues. This could be a topic of a whole new entry(and probably will be) but also in regards to sound, the one day you actually do want to sleep on the train there's always someone who beat you to the punch. You're always just one step behind, a little slow on the uptake if you will. And not only that, he/she is snoring relentlessly. I once had the inconvience of this exact scenario. On a day I was hungover nonetheless(told you it happens a lot). This man was seated directly behind me and lets just say he was "choppin' some serious wood". My only obvious course of action was to violently slam my body into the back of my seat. That, of course, did nothing to disrupt this man's slumber. Not fun times.

Reason #3: Trains go a lot slower than one would expect. I had better pick up in my 1992 Hyundai Excel (R.I.P.). Granted the train is carrying a hell of a lot more weight it's still the year 2005. What's the max speed on your average train. This is a guess because I'm the type of person who likes to base things on my own opinion rather than fact, but I'm going to go with 50-55 M-P-H's. Granny from the town nursing home drives her car faster than that. *Shakes fist*
And they break down WAY too often. When I'm in my car there's at least some warning signs. In the vast wasteland that is the world of commuting via train, I'm here for a reason and one reason only. I HAVE to be somewhere important, and on time. I don't have time to be waiting for Johnny Minimum Wage to take his sweet ass time fixing this age old technology. We should be hovering or teleporting by now.....GEEZ

Why not be an official blogger?

2005-10-10T01:17:00.000-04:00

So here I am. In the blogoshere for the first time. I've been writing a "livejournal" for quite some time now, and I know what you're thinking--fag. This, however, is not the case. I do use it as some sort of "emo boy bullshit" way to vent but, I don't preach it to the world. I keep it to myself, to reflect. I just like to type as opposed to actually write. I mean, actually writing things down is so 1995 part deux. Anywho, enough about me and my personal problems and waaa waaaa and blah blah. This blog will serve another purpose. To bring my zany sense of humor into the computers and hard drives of bloggers all over the world. My satirical wit and great sense of comic timing will be displayed for all to see.
Actually it's probably just going to be me, Will, ranting and raving about things. Maybe you'll learn to love it. "Everyone says I'm the funniest guy at the office. They say I should try stand-up". So this is it, my first try at an official blog. Love it or hate it, it's here to get a reaction out of people. If you hate it or what I'm talking about, don't read it. If you love it, send me feedback because I "heart" positive praise. And don't take things too seriously. Lifes a lot easier if you don't.
So that's me. I don't know when I'll be posting an actual "rant" or anything of that nature but check back, because it's going to be good.